Wednesday, 18 April 2012

The Power Of Love

Lost in translation
I don't know what happened
I can't explain it
All I know is you're gone... just gone
And I know somehow it's my fault that we are no more
Our line has been disconnected, our time is over and done
With a simple phrase you decided to terminate, destroy, obliterate the music that is... was us
How could I have been so stupid to have said...
I cant remember... what it took to make you say enough is enough but I fear this time it will be for good
You wont come back like you usually would

I'm a fool, undateable, destructive, combustive
Happiness glows and prospers only to explode in my presence
Love grows and blossoms only for me to pluck it out at its roots
My world turns black as I envision life without you
I need you more than words can comprehend

As I sit on the beach and listen to the waves moving against the reefs I don't find solace in nature

Why wont they call me?
Why is my message box still empty?
Don't they now my life is incomplete without them?
That my world doesn't exist without them here to love me, hold me, comfort me
How could they leave me alone
Knowing what it would do to me-- don't they care at all?
Was what we had a lie? 

As the tears begin to fall I rest my phone on a nearby rock, pull my knees into my chest and let the waves of emotion wash over and drown me to the symphony of the ocean crashing upon the shore
I rock back and forth with the sound and let the tears drop as my body seems to be lifted and transported to a place of clarity
A place where all emotions go when they need a place to hide and call home
Where they can grow into a solid idea that takes you to a plain you never thought possible, that can hold more pain than you can store and transform it into something that even a child can comprehend
I now have a vision and with this thought I pick up my phone and begin to type
After my last word is written I send it knowing I am still temporarily blocked--they wont immediately receive it.

I remove one shoe

I think of the smiles we shared... how just thinking of you warmed my heart
That funny noise you made when eating
The way you laughed at my jokes especially the bad ones

I remove my other shoe

I think of the conversations we had
How you engaged my mind, made me a better man
Helped me learn myself better as I grew together with you
How in your eyes I knew I'd only find the truth

I removed my shirt

I remember how my being bipolar wasn't an issue
How you kept me grounded when by depression I was surrounded
Knew when to ignore me from when to deal with my moods--that were usually dark yet still you gave me your heart
All of you was mine as we travelled through the years together
I released myself bare
To you I was naked
My soul in its most vulnerable and purist form and though psychologically damaged you supported me through it all
You took my cold heart in your hands and massaged it back to warmth

I remove my pants

Your hand in mine kept me firm in reality
Being in your arms was all that I needed to survive, to thrive, to make me value life--and even though you knew how low I was on the inside you persisted in giving me your strength, saving none for yourself
In a sea fraught with peril you were my lighthouse... my rescue... my saviour... my help

I remove my boxers

I never knew how great love could be till you
Never trusted anyone with my secrets but you
Never dreamed I'd reveal my inner demons... my perceptions, evil visions, delusions that seem so real
Never dreamed I'd give the darkness inside me, all that I am and let my tears be cried in your eyes... my heartache held in your pulse
I became more than me
I was transformed into a better being
I became something much greater, from a me to an us... by your power of love lifted from the depths of the deepest well to swim in waters melded with my tears of pain and yours of hopes and dreams
I could never thank you, repay you, or appreciate enough what you've done for me

I place my watch by my phone

I think of how hard it must've been to survive so long with someone as depressed as me
To live in the dark caresses of my mind and survive
To keep me afloat when I'd rather have died
To not be destroyed by a misplaced word
God some things I done, I said, how could I have been so stupid
And now when I need you most you're not here to save me
Our wireless confrontation has left us with incomplete information, now lost forever because you have severed the connection
Cut me loose with one phrase, "I can't do this anymore," and left me screaming, "Hello," at the dial tone
The warm salty air against my body takes me to that place again, where all emotions go

I place my folded clothes and shoes beside my watch and phone ignoring the light saying a message has been received

With each breath I take a step--feeling the sand on my feet... soft and soothing moving between my toes
With each tear I inch closer to the waters start--each drop drowning further the sadness of my heart
The water is warm and soothing to my skin, encouraging me to continue--so further I walk in
To my knees, then my waist, then up to my chest, then into the deep I swim to where I can not stand
The sky is so blue and the water so smooth
The beach seems so small compared to when I was there
I breathe the warm air and smell of the sea and think of the last words he said to me, "I can't do this anymore," and realise I cant do this to him
Bring so much pain
Shower their joy with my rain
Force him to live in the shadows that encompass me and expect it not to weigh him down to the ground--to drown in my soul with hopes that one day he'll be enough to make me whole
Each day that he strives to heal my life slowly and surely who they are is dying
Our love is stronger than all of creation
Our love defies all rules of nature
But at what cost comes my survival?
Is another persons life for mine a worthy sacrifice?

As I wade in the ocean further out into the deep I question how much their love means to me... and how I would destroy him as he gives for me, to survive
He gave everything for love and as more tears flood my eyes I realise that for love, 
for them to live, 
for him, 
I would die

So I submerge and enter the dark


  1. Absolutely perfect. :) Amazing piece of work. !!!