Thursday, 12 April 2012

Today Something In Me Died

Today something in me died

It was that part of me that wanted to believe in life
Though it could never quite convince itself that it was true
And now, even pretending, it can no longer do

Today something in me died

A hope that was never quite there but still a part of me
Something that yearned to believe its existence was worth being
But with a wave of its hand life swatted it out, and now... it is no more

Today something in me died

That piece of the puzzle that didn't quite fit
It held a bit of happiness amidst all the hurt and pain and rain
The ray of sunshine cracking through the clouds but now that piece is missing

Today something in me died

A song that tried to impress itself on my mind
Work its way through the noise and voices of anger and hate to break away and be free
But now its song has been swallowed up--by the noise--destroyed

Today something in me died

My soul... the voice that completed me and found all those things I mentioned previously when I was too far gone to find them
It kept me alive when times got to much and the waves of emotions threatened to devour me and plunge me into the bottomless pit of insanity
Now without it, what am I, but incomplete

Today something in me died

And it's not coming back...
It's lost and now I am left here... just blood and bones in a shell of something that used to be human
It was extinguished like the blowing out of a candle and where there once was light now there is only black

Today something in me died

It used to keep me warm, keep me moving, keep me in synch
I could feel it in my chest, pulsing through my body,
Cool, smooth, yet also electrifying
But where there once was a beat there is now a dead space
I shout my name and it comes back to me
Echoing in the hollowness of where my life source used to be--now empty
Where warmth once lived there is now a frosty cave and I fear that it will never again be the same, because cold ice liquid now flows through my veins
I... have been... forever changed, because

Today something in me died


  1. Today something in you clicked. This was sincere, and THAT is a great thing.

    1. I try. I think it fits well with the theme of yesterdays piece 'Hopeless' . Most of my pieces are depressing so i try to write them in different ways. Tried to force myself to repeat a phrase, and stick as close to three lines as i could until the last stanza. Added a few lines just so it wouldn't seem like it just ended. Glad you liked it :)

  2. Great imagery! You presented it in such a way that I could feel something leaving me as well!

    The only thing that I would alter is the spacing of the repeated "Today something in me died" that way if its a set of three descriptions it flows slightly better.

    1. Hmmm i have to admit i tried both... I'm not entirely sure still cause i like both so i agree it does flow better. If i wanted 'everything' to be what died, would keeping it spaced work? I'll play with it and see which one I ultimately like.

      Thanks for your input and glad you liked it.

  3. I think this was beautifully said. Often we cannot capture our sadness without sounding like the cliche lost poet. Through detail, I think you found the right line to walk that works well for your style.

    As a critique, I will say that the refrain was stated maybe a couple times too much. Keeping the same number of lines in each stanza or slight rhyme here and there could help with meter. Synch is actually "sync". I do like how its not just one long entire piece, but broken up over several stanzas. This allows for the natural "breath" we need in our minds and lips as we read. Great imagery and raw emotion.

    Keep up the writing, Poet.

    1. I've done this before... It's dif for me though... to stick to a repetition and i tried to keep about three or so lines until the very last and make them rhyme a teeny bit... so it's more semi free verse and not entirely... Lots of restraint cause otherwise each block would've been enormous

      Glad you liked it and blunt is the only way to give advice. I like it that way