tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10307383411933338432024-03-13T18:57:58.453-07:00I Breathe Through My FingertipsSamuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.comBlogger171125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-44976821826144699262020-02-29T10:46:00.000-08:002020-02-29T10:47:30.826-08:00The Greatness InsideIt’s that time of year again when everyone remembers how to love <br />
Everything is red and made for lifetime tv romcoms are trying to start a chick flick world revolution <br />
Hearts and balloons and hugs and smiles, it’s like Christmas times ten <br />
Cringeworthy <br />
Just ugh <br />
And while everyone is trying to make up for the first six weeks of failure <br />
42 days of chances to prove love have past and wasted <br />
I’m walking into work, just going through the motions like “Fuck I didn’t even know it was Valentine’s day today<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
That sums up my very existence <br />
Fuck my life sucks <br />
Fuck adulting sucks <br />
Fuck Depression, anxiety, failure, disappointment, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, it all sucks <br />
And love <br />
Fuck love <br />
<br />
I try to tell myself it’s just not my time <br />
I rock, surely I am worthy of love <br />
Yet here I stand alone on this day, questioning how this happened <br />
How I ended up alone and they, well, didn’t <br />
Is there something fundamentally wrong with me <br />
Something deep in the core of me <br />
Can I pluck it out and remove the glitch that makes the me I am unmatchable <br />
Is it my beliefs, my dreams, my attitude, my walk, my skin, the tone of my voice <br />
Can I change it, rearrange or simply burry it <br />
Burry it so deep I forget it’s even there <br />
Would the man I become then still be the type of guy that forgets V Day <br />
<br />
It’s hard to believe that I am just fine when the only evidence of greatness exists in my own mind <br />
That’s when I remember it was me that did this <br />
Me that decided I would no longer chase <br />
No longer be so desperate I’d take whatever showed Interest <br />
Chose to not even begin if I sense an end is eminent because not trusting my instincts is what got me in this situation of me being alone, again on this day <br />
I was the one who decided that the outcome of not settling for whatever wanted me was better for my mental wellbeing than the present depression I find myself in <br />
<br />
Still it’s hard to believe I’m worth anything when I’m here, alone with my thoughts, unhappy and stressed with a voice saying it is me and not them <br />
I’m the problem <br />
I’m to blame <br />
I’m the one who pushed them away and I’m only worthy of the leftovers of life but even they don’t seem to want me <br />
I know this isn’t true but knowing and feeling aren’t the same and the emotions of worthlessness threaten to drown me in their waves <br />
<br />
But this time… This time will be different <br />
<br />
I’ll ride the waves and endure the pain because the end game is worth more than todays permeating pain <br />
I’ll buy myself some ice-cream and set my win down on the table and tune in to Netflix. <br />
I’ll settle on the Thai drama Sotus because it reminds me that when the odds are stacked against us <br />
And we find ourselves trapped in an impossible situation <br />
When heartache steps in and the chance for love has dissipated <br />
When all hope is lost, our world turned cold and empty <br />
There’s no umbrella for the rain a connection can still happen <br />
Fate will find a way for two souls to blossom together <br />
<br />
So I’ll raise a glass to acceptance of the good and the bad and the ugly <br />
To the life I chose and have faith in the process <br />
That being the best me will attract the greatness I deserve <br />
That every nervous breakdown, bathroom cry, and bouts of depression are just a precursor to the explosion of my true awesome <br />
As this vanilla, chocolate chunk caramel swirl melts into my soul, I’ll embrace the journey I chose to finally be whole and accept that the reason my greatness wasn’t seen, was the one person who had to see it wasn’t looking for it, and that person was me <br />
Tonight I raise this glass filled with wine and tears and drink to being okay with the man I am,<br />
Even if my light still can’t be seen, knowing that one day it will be if first I just believe <br />
<br />
So here’s a toast to the fucked up mess who deserves it the most. <br />
Happy valentine’s day from me to me <br />
I love you.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-25329436128521612842017-11-02T12:56:00.001-07:002017-11-02T12:59:34.866-07:00Fake It to Make ItThis year hasn't been the greatest<br />
<div>
Nor this one just past</div>
<div>
Or the ones previously and it seems I will be perpetually stuck here to continuously live the insanity and revisit the calamity of the catastrophe of this thing called my life</div>
<div>
Considering how things are going I see no signs of change or things going in a direction that gives me hope to drive on through<br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div>
Keep doing the do that I do so well even though all that comes out of it is a never-ending well of hell with no water to nourish my dying soul</div>
<div>
I've sunken into the hole but I'm not whole </div>
<div>
My life is in pieces that are too broken to fit together</div>
<div>
The shards of my life no longer fit into each other and it makes me wonder what I was like in my past life to recieve such Karma</div>
<div>
When will the debt be paid, the sun shine through my rain, the fog be lifted from my existence, or was I so bad that I carried the extra from the last life into this life and I'm creating new karma to add on to that to take with me into the next like unused minutes in the data plan of my life</div>
<div>
A constant rollover of darkness and emptiness</div>
<div>
See I've done some things I shouldn't have</div>
<div>
Said some things I can`t take back</div>
<div>
Blast through walls and left a dust cloud of the hurt I caused those in my way because I wasn't smart enough to realise some walls are there for a reason</div>
<div>
Everything has it's season and sometimes taking a step back reassess might have shown me I had the answers all along</div>
<div>
The grass was greener and it still is but opting for green grass is a step too fast like someone helping a butterfly out of its shell so it sinks to the ground and dies unable to fly</div>
<div>
That sums me up quite nicely </div>
<div>
Here without the tools I need, with no way of finding them, not knowing what they are to begin with</div>
<div>
And no matter how hard I try to tell myself it will all work out</div>
<div>
That the pain makes you stronger</div>
<div>
That through the storms and the high winds the strength within will arise</div>
<div>
Somehow I'll survie</div>
<div>
And I try to do what they tell me</div>
<div>
Speak it into existence but my heart isn't in it</div>
<div>
I don't believe it</div>
<div>
Mean it</div>
<div>
See it coming into being</div>
<div>
I'm just going through the motions</div>
<div>
Letting the tide just take me instead of swimming through the oceans because every time I pave my own path it ends in disaster </div>
<div>
Whatever I'm after has decided it isn`t for me so why expend the energy to find it</div>
<div>
I`ll put on that good face of positivity like I`m supposed to. </div>
<div>
Play the game like I was taught</div>
<div>
And question if anyone else out there, like me is dying inside</div>
<div>
Drowning in fear and disappointment</div>
<div>
Burning up in the flames of defeat and being stabbed by the poisonous darts of despair</div>
<div>
Disappearing into the, dying in the, falling into a place so... so.... so....</div>
<div>
This year hasn't been the greatest<br />
<div>
Nor this one just past</div>
<div>
Or the ones previously and it seems nothing I do is working</div>
</div>
<div>
All the things I was taught have no effect in getting my life on track and undoing whatever harm I've done to myself</div>
<div>
But still I`ll press on</div>
<div>
Keep on going though I think it isn`t worth it</div>
<div>
Until the day the lies that I tell myself to survive one day, become my truths</div>
Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-12027771304530474612017-10-20T04:34:00.001-07:002017-10-20T04:38:06.664-07:00FrozenI'm in a rut,<br />
Glued to a position cant seem to change my condition,<br />
My purpose, the path I'm on, the direction I'm going<br />
Continuously to be seen in a certain space my place in life determined by a will other than mine<br />
No matter how hard I try to move in a way that's different from the predetermined direction I should be taking, nothing happens<br />
I become motionless, frozen, incapable of changing course and the pain to do so seems great enough to do me in<br />
I'm in a battle with my soul and the universe<br />
<a name='more'></a>A fight I didn't choose but I either give in or lose<br />
But giving in is also losing<br />
I wish that I were the one pulling the strings of my life<br />
A puppet master of my own mind, but the fates have decided otherwise<br />
So here I stand, immobile<br />
The person I want to be docile,<br />
Trying to break free from my motionless state and I consider taking a step, forward on the map like I'm told to<br />
But I can't, won't, choose, refuse to move<br />
If I can't be who I am I can't be what they want<br />
I'm going to stay in this place, defy the fates<br />
I'll find a way to rearrange my present position to something in direct opposition of what you choose<br />
Life may not be fair, but that's okay, I don't play fair either<br />
I will fight and take prisoners<br />
I'm stuck but not defeated<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">©Samuel Alexander 2017</span>Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-1581353980991828452017-09-29T10:01:00.003-07:002017-11-02T12:59:47.740-07:00FaceThis is the face of a man who woke up the same as every other man... not dead<br />
One who thought he had something to live for but found he had nothing worth dying for<br />
A man who thought he had something for the world<br />
To leave behind, to give a voice worth being heard<br />
<a name='more'></a> <br />
But found today he was the same as yesterday, nothing had changed, in comparison to others his voice was... non-existent<br />
A man who thought he was meant to be so much more so he tried, sacrificed, gave more than his all<br />
Only for destiny to lay down the rules <br />
His path had been chosen his fate frozen in time and he had to resign to the fact that futile was his efforts to bring change to his life<br />
He believed the dream and chased it<br />
Had so much hope in it sold his soul for it gave up everything placed his faith in it<br />
Only to find that his place in time was permanently etched in the tapestry of life<br />
The face of a man who believed he was enough until the universe opened his eyes<br />
To the truth of his existence, the worthlessness of life<br />
To how he should reconsider if breathing was worth the trouble it was bringing<br />
But amongst all the truths one thing couldn't be denied<br />
It rang on and persisted until the man had to admit it<br />
The saddest of all realities given to him this day<br />
Was that this man didn't even care enough to end it<br />
<br />
©Samuel Alexander 2017Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-45409782844315849492017-09-29T09:59:00.002-07:002017-11-02T12:59:58.752-07:00LemonadeWhen life hands you lemons make lemonade they say<br />
But life forgot the water, the juicer, the pitcher to put it in<br />
You can't just up and make it without the tools needed<br />
Everything needs to fall in place<br />
The stars aligned at the right time to provide an escape from the madness of life<br />
If only it were so simple to just wish something into existence<br />
Wave a magic wand and poof, lemonade has arrived<br />
Abracadabra I did it... wait, no I didn't<br />
<a name='more'></a> <br />
Life still sucks, I'm still in pain, can't see the sunshine for the rain <br />
I'm drowning<br />
No... sinking, buried by the noise of life reminding me that my life is meant to be bitter, without the sweet<br />
Cold without the warmth my soul needs to survive the cruelty of simply being alive<br />
Yet everyone's out there preaching, speak it into existence<br />
Will the change you want into the dismal depressing state of this thing called your life<br />
But they just don't understand because their life is all peaches and cream<br />
To them everything is given, all the tools they need to succeed <br />
All they need is a spoon to dip in the sweet concoction of their life's bliss not realising something is amiss from their theory<br />
They have, you don't, better things just come on their own?<br />
No... they won't<br />
Take what life gives you and make it better, the motto from those on the greener side already<br />
Honestly, it's like they are totally unaware of what's truly happening and here I am stuck with a useless lemon<br />
That I can't juice, <br />
Here with no water to make it stretch, no sugar to sweeten up the mix, no cups to share the wealth<br />
But there is one thing the table of life doth provide<br />
Shining in the burning sun that scorches to my very soul<br />
A knife to remind me that since I can't make lemonade maybe my life should be ending<br />
The universe hands me a choice<br />
To live a perpetually bitter existence of eating useless bitter lemons or to remove myself from the equation<br />
Quick. Smooth. Easy and nice<br />
I let the decision waft over me<br />
Make a choice<br />
I slice....<br />
<br />
<div>
©Samuel Alexander 2017</div>
Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-39041227703110624052017-09-29T08:30:00.001-07:002017-11-02T13:00:16.676-07:00BeautifulHe calls me beautiful as if it were my name<br />
In a tone so smooth it melts away the pain<br />
Falls on my ear like birds on a spring day, keeping my heart in sink like the patter of falling rain<br />
Cool, refreshing, invigorating, intoxicatingly sweet are all the things this one word brings<br />
His voice sings to my aura and flies on wings of love, that even when it seems too much he gives more with no signs of giving up<br />
<a name='more'></a>The sound rumbles on frequencies that massage my soul, calms it in the bad times renews my faith in life<br />
Each syllable rests on my inner being, hums on the strings that hold me down transforming them into ropes that lift me up<br />
I didn't know love till he came<br />
Didn't understand my worth<br />
Couldn't see beyond the fog, pull myself up from the mud and dirt the quicksand of worthlessness that I was drowning in<br />
To me, it was all the same, hurt and shame, hurt and shame, hurt and shame and hurt and shame<br />
Pain didn't melt away and rain didn't nourish<br />
My aura was filled with depressing tunes and voices only brought doom and gloom<br />
Beautiful was a word I couldn't understand, not in others or myself<br />
A foreign concept to someone who only saw ugly in the world, himself, but that all changed<br />
Somehow he saw what I couldn't<br />
Released me from the chains of oppression<br />
Released me from my condition of self-inflicted depression, a slow dive into the demise of my life he lifted the dark fog that was hiding my hope<br />
With eyes of the purest of pure he saw right through me to the core<br />
He made me believe in all the things I couldn't see, that I thought I'd lost and wasn't worthy of<br />
In the very depths of despair at the end of it all, he saw something that inspired him<br />
Drove him to rescue me from the bottom of the sea up onto dry ground to the moon and the stars and further into the beyond<br />
To land beside him, where all things are possible,<br />
That's where he took me, that's where I found truth<br />
My sight was returned<br />
He breathed his life into me<br />
When others all walked by<br />
He didn't have to do it but he did and now with each breath I breathe in hope<br />
I breathe in him and it ignites the flames of the fire that rekindled my desire to believe in me<br />
To see the me he sees and now when I think of beautiful I think of him<br />
His eyes, His touch, His breath His love even when it's too much it's never enough<br />
He says beautiful and the power knocks me over like a moving train<br />
It cannot be ignored<br />
A force so strong I had no choice but to change<br />
I can't go back to how I was<br />
That man is gone<br />
Cause he changed everything, with one word permanently invaded my space, my heart, my world<br />
Through him I have been saved,<br />
I have been saved<br />
He calls me beautiful as if it were my name.<br />
<br />
<br />
©Samuel Alexander 2017Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-75412286145835911132017-07-18T08:10:00.001-07:002017-07-18T08:11:16.613-07:00Prayer UnheardI sent a prayer into the sky, but I don't think God was listening<br />
Didn't hear the desperation, helplessness of my condition<br />
Didn't feel the hurt the pain, couldn't see hope as it went away<br />
Nor see faith as it hid deep in the darkness of my heart that shattered my soul<br />
Couldn't hear it crack nor feel the splinters that exploded like ball bearings in a pipe bomb<br />
Into all the places there was light letting the shadows creep in leaving the pieces of my soul lost in the dark unable to rejoin with each other<br />
<a name='more'></a>He didn't wipe my salty tears that touched a skin so cold<br />
Couldn't feel my shaky hands roaming in the dark looking for the switch to let the light back in<br />
Illuminate my inner being so my heart can be warm again<br />
And light the way for the pieces of my soul to find their way back together once more<br />
Didn't see that I was dead inside<br />
Drowning in my own pain<br />
The bleeding liquid of my aura slowly taking me under, submerging me til there was nothing left to do but cry out for help to the only one they taught me,<br />
Informed me<br />
Conditioned me to believe in<br />
But it seems it was all a fabrication, false information cause I'm still here in pieces lost in the dark with just the echos of my cries<br />
They are the only other presence in the shadows of my own creation<br />
My destruction inevitable, prayers unheard, yet still I keep crying til I can't even hear myself pleading to be rescued, so my soul cries for me<br />
Sends a prayer out into the universe beyond the stars to land on your ears taking the last of the light I had with me<br />
And now it's just floating out in space while I slowly disintegrate away into nothing<br />
My last wasted on a prayer to you not knowing<br />
Id' already been forgotten.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-7883379646332021612017-05-04T04:12:00.001-07:002017-11-02T13:06:02.947-07:00Mission Incomplete <div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-5e9d86c8-d326-e5de-19a9-056984dbf85e" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">I thought about ending my life today</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Put a stop to the pain</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Make it through all the rain</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">I thought about ending my life today </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Leave behind all the madness</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">The hurt anguish and sadness</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">I thought about ending my life today</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">But at the moment of execution</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Came to a shocking conclusion </span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">I thought about ending my life today but couldn't ….</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">I didn't love myself enough to follow through</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">©Samuel Alexander May 2017</span>Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-74044542040499957692017-04-14T07:34:00.001-07:002017-04-14T10:34:38.456-07:00Sharing<div style="text-align: center;">
Swim with me through waters so pure,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in rivers and lakes and oceans of love.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Fly with me through the clouds, through clear blue skies,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with the eagles, the doves.<br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Run with me across the land, the forest, the trees,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
become nature you and me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sit with me on the highest mount, look out on the world,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
share in its splendour.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Be my heart, my soul, my everything,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my joys, my pains, my dreams.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Touch my soul, go to places no one else dared to go,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
mend the parts that without you can never be whole.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Float with me in the space that connects from time to time.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I want to feel the very core of your inner being,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but first take a journey through mine<br />
<br />
<span style="text-align: start;">©Samuel Alexander April 2017</span></div>
<br />Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-7229636040119673702017-04-14T07:20:00.002-07:002017-04-14T10:34:23.936-07:00No TearsToday I tried to cry and failed I didn't have the strength<br />
Found I'd passed the point of no return beyond the deep of my emotional wealth<br />
<br />
Knocked down the walls of sanity scattering the pieces of my humanity<br />
To the furthest reaches of the land too separate to be made whole again<br />
<br />
Swam through the darkest of darks leaving most of me behind<br />
Walked into the light to learn that I only brought the will to survive<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
I felt I needed a release like I had so many times before<br />
But every room in my soul had no space for things to store<br />
<br />
The walls of my heart cracked leaking all things small<br />
Like hope and faith and dreams and warmth and left me in the cold<br />
<br />
So with dry eyes I beg, I plead, let the emotion spill out of me<br />
But how can you loose what you don't have, break free from the emptiness<br />
<br />
No matter how much my soul cries no water leaves my eyes<br />
It seems the only thing I feel is the lack of what I need to release<br />
<br />
Today I tried to cry and failed when did it get so bad<br />
That all I had to give was emptiness on emptiness<br />
<br />
©Samuel Alexander April 2017Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-16679851151833857682017-04-10T08:08:00.001-07:002017-04-10T08:11:13.170-07:00When Enough Is Not Enough<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever felt you’ve given so much more than you had<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The very air you breathe,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Down to your last breath<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sacrificed too many pieces of your heart<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sold too many parts of your soul<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Felt like your physical strength was depleted<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gave up too much of your psychological well being<br />
<a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Convinced yourself that it was worth it all<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It would pay off in the end, the benefits would come<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just to find yourself alone with nothing but a dream<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The hope long gone that it would come to be<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Apparently they were the kind that pipes are made of and you must now watch them flow away into the dark<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Into the space you thought you’d fill up with the dream that you once passionately believed<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before life crushed you, trampled on you, destroyed you <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Removed the joy from your world<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Made you question if your past life karma had come back with a vengeance<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If failure and depression are the only things for which you are destined<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You tried<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You gave<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You sweated <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You teared <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Had faith<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Believed<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gave up so much through the years<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Only to end up where you started <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your passion crushed, faith in humanity discarded<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So much time you can't get back<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So much wasted love and energy all gone <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Never to return<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unless you start all over again <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what if you have enough bad karma to follow you from here to there<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You played by the rules, chased, and fought and everyone said, keep on going<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then you hit a space where words were not enough, to keep the fire burning<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe you should just stop the music, silence the song, be done with it all, move on<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How could it be that more than enough, is not enough, and now you have no more to give<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What happens when life wins<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever felt like before you started the battle was already lost<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then you consider, maybe it would be better, if you simply were no more<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
©Samuel Alexander April 2017</div>
Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-70947237885900608282017-04-09T09:56:00.001-07:002017-04-09T10:00:18.893-07:00Rescued<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know how you did it or even why you tried<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What you saw in me was hidden much too deep for me to find<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know how it got this bad, how things got so far gone<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why you came into my life to write all of the wrongs<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I couldn’t see how bad it was, see the grey within the dark<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where my path had gone astray, a miscalculation gone too far<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a hole so deep and empty it became my truth, my way of life<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I was before… destroyed, the light left from my eyes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t see you standing there, couldn’t see you through the fog<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Weighted down by my reality, I thought all hope was lost<br />
<a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Inconceivable to me was the hope any light could break through<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who would want to feel what I felt, my pain, what I went through<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my sad and desolate place my heart it felt so cold<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Waiting, it was, I didn’t know for you to come along<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a form so pure and innocent right beside me there you stood<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Waiting for you, my soul to see, just like you knew it would<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It took a while, it took some time, for me to feel your touch<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Water from the heavens washing over me from the depths of your heart<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Inside I felt hope be reignited, and soon I came to see<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What was hidden beneath all of the pain and misery<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I felt faith and hope and healing, things once lost from memory<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Winters melted into spring, and my core began to sing<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I started to remember, feel what it was to love again<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When for the first time, I felt the slight touch of you hand<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I realised you dimmed your light just so you could sneak in<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Without alarming me to your presence, as you rekindled my inner being<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instantly I cried, my only response for saving my life<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While you just smiled, took me in your arms, on your shoulder, let me cry<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In that moment I was whole again, free from where I had been<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wondering how you managed to break me free release from me my passion<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my life you came, removed the gloom, the fog hanging over my heart<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I tried to offer something in return you said my freedom was enough<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know how you did it or even why you tried<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the only way to save me was to give me some of your light<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
©Samuel Alexander April 2017Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-66807677448537860692017-04-08T03:55:00.001-07:002017-04-08T14:24:05.635-07:00Stolen FruitWhere are the fruits of our hard work through all these years<br />
<div>
What happened to our plans, our future, our dreams</div>
<div>
The life we were supposed to share</div>
<div>
The place we had to go</div>
<div>
What did you do with the pieces of my soul that I gave to you so freely</div>
<div>
Willingly on the hopes that together we would swim in the seas of love forever<br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div>
We planted the seeds, fertilised the soil, watered it with our tears through the hard times and with smiles during the good times</div>
<div>
We waited to watch it grow into a tree that grew the most beautiful fruit and we tasted of each other a nectar so sweet, or so I believed, </div>
<div>
It was really bittersweet because you plucked our tree up at it roots</div>
<div>
Took it into another land and placed the fruit of our labour into the hands of another man and left me here with nothing</div>
<div>
Looking at an empty space that used to be filled with all that was me, </div>
<div>
A space that only existed because you were part of its creation, but you just used me because you couldn't become who you were without me and once you grew into something more enticing </div>
<div>
You decided you'd rather live in this world without me</div>
<div>
You took the nectar of what we had made and pretended you got there on your own </div>
<div>
And now someone else is tasting the sweetness of a love that was never mine to begin with</div>
<div>
So here I am looking, wondering, where it all went</div>
<div>
How could it even be possible that there is nothing left</div>
<div>
And I sink into the hole left behind when you uprooted your presence from my presence to replant your essence as you made an entrance into someone else's existence</div>
<div>
Our hard work through all these years just up and disappeared and I'm digging in the soil </div>
<div>
Searching through the earth for any traces of us</div>
<div>
Remnants left behind of an identity stolen, </div>
<div>
It's almost as if I'm digging my own grave because the only part that's left of me is the part that's shovelling out the dirt, </div>
<div>
Betrayed, dismayed and dying on the inside</div>
<div>
Hands calloused from the effort it takes to look for something gone forever</div>
<div>
How could you do this to me, </div>
<div>
Make me believe you and I were one just so you could grow beautifully into something you could've never been without the love I gave</div>
<div>
I want to pretend it's okay but covered in dirt looking for pieces of me all I see is what happens when love turns cold, and the results of one-sided dreams, </div>
<div>
I wish I never listened to my heart, then it wouldn't have been torn apart and all I gave to you would be in someone else's hand</div>
<div>
That would cherish it, hold it, mould it, help become the melody of entities so strong in the bond of togetherness</div>
<div>
But instead, I'll keep drowning in the emptiness of my soul</div>
<div>
Wondering if it was my own fault</div>
<div>
The reasons that my heart beat is silent, my burning desire for love extinguished, my faith in life exterminated </div>
<div>
How could you do this to me </div>
<div>
Where are the fruits of our hard work through all these years</div>
<div>
And most of all, where's the will I had to live before you came along<br />
<br />
©Samuel Alexander April 2017<br />
<br /></div>
Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-31972587159017210072017-04-05T19:23:00.000-07:002017-04-06T04:01:22.505-07:00Destiny<div class="MsoNormal">
Take my hand, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Place it in yours and let the touch of our skin release our inner joy <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Move it from me into you and you into me until it blends into a being made almost entirely of love<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sprinkled with lust and a dash of magical dreams that floats on the wind and is transported through our core and out through our pores<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Use our hands to massage away the memories of when I was just a me and you were just you and let our connection bring the transformation from a you and I to an us<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Use our thumbs to wipe away the tears of pain when life throws us in the rain <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our hands to hold the umbrella above us to shelter us from the storm<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let our fingers intertwine and the electricity ignite the passion of our destiny<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let our touch be enough and more than enough all at the same time and…<br />
<a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take my heart<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let it beat at a pace until I can't tell mine from yours<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Play a rhythm so smooth that our feet move to a music only we can hear<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dancing into places where only lovers can go and pulse in a way that makes us take flight<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Moving with the beat of our wings as we soar through the clouds and meld together with the skies<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nature becomes us, we become it, and feel the wind rush against our face as our hearts begin to race together<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We feel light as a feather<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With each beat our desires meet and become one in the same <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As complex as the colours of a butterfly's wings<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before we were just caterpillars but now, we are poetry in motion<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Flying high as the trees on patterned wings transformed from lesser beings into something much more Not only in the light we amaze also in the dark<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are the flame shining bright and I am drawn to you, helpless<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A creature of the night, a moth, there is no escape<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was meant to be drawn to you and as I touch you the rhythm of our hearts match the intensity of the sparks that flow from the flames of our joined parts<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Causing others to stop and stare struggling to hear the music playing to the rhythm our hearts have made<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take my eyes and my mind,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let us see ourselves through each other's eyes and let the wonders of what our thoughts create inspire us into magical realms of ecstasy<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
See into the deepest of the seas then go to the places we shield from the world and open up each other's vulnerability<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Share our imperfections and let our minds join in one thought<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take our separate entities and create a new understanding of the we that we have become and see beyond the shell that holds us<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Float into the space of our design and be aligned in this place and time, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
See the truth within the lies and the secrets we’ve kept because our minds told us love had left us behind<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Turn the sadness in the dilation of the circular orbs that come in pairs, to a happiness beyond compare, Beyond what our minds can even comprehend yet still somehow understands and sees the worth within <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Buried inside look into my eyes and mine in yours together let us open up our minds and let each other in <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They say the truth lives within the eyes and in ours the purest of love resides<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take my soul<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The very thing makes me who I am and trust me with yours<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let us breathe in the scent of what we were individually and watch as they combine<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Into something familiar yet new <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This me and you thing, it’s a great thing, a thing that is greater than any love that has been told of before<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our souls reach back as far as the beginning of time dancing on the oceans of life and riding on the clouds of hope and divine trust<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They sing in notes that only we can understand<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Create harmonies that can't be contained in this lifetime or the next<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Infectious, contagious, inspiring, enticing, inviting, unnatural, supernatural, the power our souls hold is inconceivably awesome<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They meld together so seamlessly bringing together our hopes and dreams, our hurts and pains, into a symphony of beauty that finds its strength in each other’s soul<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Until they found each other we didn’t know we were not whole but as we feel the fire burning deep inside us, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The wells of our souls seem bottomless and we are not afraid to go deeper and deeper into the maze and pick the flowers that grow there<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the garden of our own creation<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eat from the fruit of our souls until we disappear into a place made just for those who dared to take the chance, of relinquishing their souls, letting go <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So take my hand, feel my skin next to yours<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And take my heart, may it forever match the beat of yours<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take my eyes and my mind and see all the wonders we created, both you and I<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take my soul, and be part of me, let us join together in a unity that lifts from our past life into this life and the next, and then continue into the beyond, until eternity shall we live as one <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take me in your arms<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
And never let me go.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
©Samuel Alexander April 2017</div>
Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-33493007368420992152017-04-04T19:45:00.003-07:002017-04-05T04:03:06.893-07:00CrackedConstant continuous cracks in the soul<br />
Looking for filler, something, anything strong enough to hold together the pieces<br />
Fix the fractured entity that lies deep within the wells of my inner being<br />
The one no-one sees, hears, that exists just a few levels below my heart<br />
The foundation of all that I am, shattered, again and again by the world, people, humans<br />
Creatures just like me but not the same<br />
Built the same but functioning on a different plane<br />
<a name='more'></a>They stab me with indifference because I am different<br />
Deflect on me their shame because they're shameless<br />
Ignore me because they are ignorant and pretend to turn a blind eye to my pain<br />
Act like they are not the dark cloud to my rain<br />
The lightning that cracks through the storm and hits me every time... much more than what is normal but for me... it is the norm<br />
Still, I know you know what you are doing<br />
I know you thrive, live, breathe and feed on every piece that cracks away and falls just beyond my reach<br />
As you silence my voice, kill my spirit and watch me slip into a place void of grace where I come face to face with the reality that though there's nothing wrong with me, because of you, I don't believe this obvious truth<br />
Try hard as I might to win this fight my attacks have no power to break through<br />
Make them see and feel the damage they've done<br />
But it seems they've already won and left me undone and alone, trying to fit in, be accepted just as I am<br />
It's a battle I cant win so I'm left where with the continuous breaking of my soul<br />
It only heals to be broken again... a never ending cycle<br />
And I fear it only happens to let more darkness in from a world so cold and spiteful<br />
To grow and become a part of me and reshape me in its empty void... continuously<br />
So I decide to give up and enter the emptiness, and then... I see it<br />
One ray of light fighting to get in before my soul reseals itself again<br />
I force with all my power to stop my usual cycle and just before my soul again is closed<br />
Through the last crack enters hope<br />
<br />
©Samuel Alexander April 2017<br />
<br />Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-15029211354589842072017-04-03T12:41:00.001-07:002017-04-03T13:05:03.442-07:00ShoreI feel the warmth of the sand, moving between my feet<br />
I turn and look behind me, see your footprints beside mine and smile<br />
Bring my head back front, our eyes meet and everything melts away<br />
<br />
In this moment there is just you and me,<br />
<br />
Holding hands<br />
Walking along the shore, feet in the sand<br />
I feel your toes brush against mine, the sand meshing between our skin as you lean up just slightly to place other skin to skin... your lips,<br />
on my lips, the sound of the waves as I close my eyes and envelope the beauty of the beach<br />
The power in the ocean, as strong as the love in your heart that crashed against an unworthy soul like me<br />
Swallowed me whole and sucked me into the wonder of you<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
As I gaze out at the sea with you beside me I feel at peace<br />
Your love for the sea sparkles in your eyes like the first light on a lake at sunrise and I'm hypnotised by their beauty<br />
They speak of a truth and purity that I didn't know I had in me until I was a lost soul stranded upon a shore and you washed over me<br />
<br />
The water to my sand and as you flowed back in you took pieces of me with you.<br />
Left me smooth and renewed and took pieces of me back in with you so that we joined but you<br />
You are so magnificent<br />
I gaze up from beneath you and see your many shapes and hues reflecting through the surface and am amazed<br />
Calm, rough, rippling, sun and moon and rain, there isn't a time when upon you I gaze and I don't see incomprehensible beauty.<br />
<br />
You weather the storms with an ease that keeps me calm<br />
I look upon the vastness of your waves, witness your rage and you wash over the situation and calm me, save me,<br />
Like you did that day on this beach when you found me<br />
You are nature and nature is you and I sometimes wonder how someone like me ended up with someone like you, but you don't<br />
To you... it was meant to be<br />
<br />
As I breathe in the salty air your hand in mine<br />
The sand moving through our feet, footprints left behind I look at the ocean trying to comprehend how my sand could ever match what you are<br />
Try to see myself through your eyes and you see me struggling<br />
Eyes out to see, and you laugh at me<br />
The sounds that you make when you find me amusing is enough to melt any situation into a moment of pure joy<br />
You remind me that without the sand there can be no beach, no shore, no place for us to meet<br />
The beauty of the beach is in its connectivity and she can not be so amazing without me<br />
<br />
She needs the sand<br />
<br />
The sand in our feet is just as beautiful as the waves especially on the shore where they meat<br />
A mixture of gritty and wet that feels oh so good as the waves pull the sand back into the ocean from under your feet.<br />
She says all these things, not for the first time but in reality, I don't believe<br />
She has a way of turning my doubt around on me and I nod and smile but she doesn't smile back<br />
<br />
I find I'm alone<br />
<br />
Walking along the shore<br />
It's been a year since I've been here,<br />
The ocean I can't avoid but the feel of the sand reminds me of her<br />
It was this day that with a wave of it's hand fate decided her time had come with this land and I was left with nothing but beach<br />
With memories<br />
An empty space that she had found and filled with her presence was now devoid of water and dry The ocean had left me and I was now just dry sand, dirt,<br />
<br />
But standing here today I feel her<br />
In the salty air I can smell her<br />
As I close my eyes and listen to the sound of shore life I remember all the things about her that made her magical to me<br />
I look behind me and I can still see her footprints beside mine,<br />
Being washed away like she was from life but forever imprinted on my soul<br />
<br />
I try to see myself through her eyes and can hear, feel her telling me it will be alright<br />
Her skin against mine, her presence guiding me closer to the shoreline and I almost want to curse life but as the water comes over my feet<br />
Where water and sand meet<br />
It flows back to the source and I feel it taking some sand back with it and I smile<br />
I heard her laugh somewhere deep in the caverns of my mind and saw the twinkle of the ocean in her eyes in my mind and remember the day she washed into my life and saved me<br />
She may have been the water to me but her faith in me is what lingers<br />
She didn't save me to wallow away and hide from life<br />
And although she will no longer walk across this land I will forever be the sand to her water<br />
Her essence breathes on in the shore<br />
<br />
©Samuel Alexander April 2017Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-85263803489006742882017-04-02T09:21:00.001-07:002017-04-02T10:07:17.267-07:00Sleep<div class="MsoNormal">
You slept on me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Simply pretended you did believe, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the dreams I did conceive<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thought I'd be too blind to see<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You slept on me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Told me you were down for the ride<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even walked right by my side<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your true intentions tried to hide<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You slept on me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Told me that words were inspiring <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While all the time conspiring<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To kill the flame inside of me<br />
<a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You slept on me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Saying you felt the depths in my lines,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The journey through my mind<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While hating all the time<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You slept on me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And let me down just when I needed you<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I tried to climb<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My ladder you did hide<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You slept on me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tried to deceive me with your lies<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With the words you gave so kind<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But it was all a device<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A diversion<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A subtle excursion of praise and accolades<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of encouragement and words, designed, to look like they were there help move me along<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Keep me going with life’s song, when all along <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You were plotting, and trying to bring me down and silence the lines<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The truths that lives deep within the wells of my soul, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hiding in the places you refuse to go because you are afraid<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To open up your mind, to the hurt, the pain, the emotions that fall down like rain, and drown you like waves<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jealous of the ways in which I travel through the ins and outs of the things lying way down deep in side<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of the lines that escape me, so rhythmically and fluently, Influentially<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Effortlessly designed to amaze, so you hate<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But that’s okay, I’ll move on, live on, breathe continuously swimming in pools of grey searching for that light<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The one that you tried to destroy<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pretending that you were on board<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But you didn’t know my power <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now that you're asleep, in your dreams I will seep<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Impregnate, seed, infect you with the words that you tried to escape<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like the sandman I will wash over you with my truths, subconsciously invading the parts you tried to deny that you saw in me, but I can see in you<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now you’re sleep and helpless, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Powerless to the rhymes <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That flow across the boundaries of space and time from my mind into your mind now your mine<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And you’ll never break free, no never break free<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when you wake my voice will be imprinted on your mind<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Engraved on your heart, the thing you tried to stifle, now forever will be a part of you <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s nothing you can do<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your plan has bounced back on you, the very thing you thought I couldn’t do I have done to you now what<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tell me, now what<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is no what, the battle is won, you're done I came out number one<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now you can see that you shouldn’t have tried to play me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You slept on me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That was your biggest mistake cause now what you tried to run away from will follow you to your grave<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
You slept on me.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
©Samuel Alexander April 2017</div>
Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-6451602860944653492017-04-01T12:32:00.000-07:002017-04-02T10:07:34.570-07:00GreyI see things in grey<br />
I breathe in the colour of neutral<br />
Swim in the places we like to pretend don't exist, avoid, to keep up the pretence of normal<br />
Delve into the thoughts that we try to hide<br />
Release them into the wild and let the emotions run free<br />
Free to become whatever they choose to be<br />
There can be no light at the end of the tunnel without the tunnel so I shall flow into the deepest crevices of existence and experience all life has to offer<br />
The good, the bad, the ugly, the evil and grimy and create a space that understands sorrow and pain so that at the end of the rain I can appreciate the sun that much more<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
It's in the grey that I train<br />
Prepare<br />
Allow myself to recognise my fears and flaws and the world at it's worst so that when life gives me it's worst I am ready<br />
See I could be all sunshine and rainbows and bubbles and blue skies but... what happens when things aren't going right<br />
When there is no more light and the dark sweeps in to burst the happy cloud and I begin to drown<br />
When I look around and happy can't be found... how will I survive<br />
If I constantly ignored one-half of my emotions<br />
Neglected a part of me<br />
Shunned its existence and lived in a constant state of avoidance to anything that didn't sing with the birds and fly on angels wings<br />
How will I survive then when the box of positivity I've so expertly created drowns in the muck of life because cardboard doesn't know how to swim<br />
<br />
Happiness is one note, it doesn't sing.<br />
It doesn't allow much room for anything but me...<br />
I choose to live<br />
I choose to experience<br />
I choose to take in all the ups and downs, take the pain with the joy and the lows with the highs and live in a space neither left or right that places me right where I need to be to deal with life<br />
I choose to inhale the beauty of grey and drown myself in the endless sea of possibilities that not living in the dark or light can bring me.<br />
I choose to be an emotional well of what happens when you're willing to accept that life isn't always peaches and cream but sometimes it's dark chocolate and bittersweet<br />
I will bend the rules, pave my own way, and be enveloped by the intoxicating aura of the unknown and unexpected, no matter how it may be manifested<br />
I see things in grey and it is,<br />
Beautiful<br />
<br />
©Samuel Alexander April 2017Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-41704863347187746702016-10-01T21:07:00.002-07:002017-11-02T13:08:19.073-07:00BetrayalI came upon a pool of water, it seemed so calm, serene.<br />
Something was saying it wasn't safe I turned to leave but then my heart said<br />
"You can swim. Dive in"<br />
So I did<br />
The water felt cool and calmed my soul then the voice said "deeper" and so... I dove<br />
Into the cool blue I swam then blue turned to dark<br />
I went to swim back up then the voice promised sweet things were waiting at the bottom<br />
It said "Here I'll help you breathe. Go just a bit further"<br />
Down I went until I couldn't see my way.<br />
<a name='more'></a> <br />
<br />
Now the water is cold<br />
<br />
A chill runs through my body<br />
I know this can't be safe, but the voice eggs me on so I swim on through the pain<br />
Bumping against things that hide in the dark<br />
Scraping against jagged rocks that cut to the bone<br />
To the soul to the very core of my being but something says "keep going, keep on swimming.<br />
I promise it will be worth it. Endure the pain."<br />
I say "you promised I'd never go through this again"<br />
"But you survived the last time trust me, it won't be the same. This time you'll win<br />
Come out stronger than before. Swim. Swim just a little bit more"<br />
<br />
So on I go my soul bleeding into the deep<br />
My confidence destroyed my self-worth depleteded<br />
And just when I think I cant take no more, I float in the middle of nowhere... no ceiling no floor<br />
<br />
My tears wash away in the ocean of my tormented soul<br />
And here I am broken my heart has failed me once more<br />
It cowers away in silence ashamed that it was fooled<br />
That once again the pull of something more was too great for common sense to rule<br />
We moan into the deep hearing the echo of our pain<br />
Me and my heart at the same place once more, in this love war loss is all we gain<br />
<br />
Eyes about to close, this time will be the last time that we are fooled by even the slightest of hopes that happiness was in our grasp and then... we see it<br />
A light above, So far far away<br />
<br />
We mend our broken pieces of pain back together and go up, up to the light<br />
Up to the ceiling above us to broken to think we are even worth saving<br />
Our everything destroyed<br />
Nothing matters anymore<br />
<br />
On the surface once more the game played, at its end<br />
We wonder how we made it out alive, more broken than before yet here on dry land<br />
Obviously we aren't worthy of the greatness that other people have<br />
We are nothing worthless and deserving of death<br />
So I start to walk home, ready to give up on it all<br />
The living-dead after the suicide of my own heart<br />
But, through the glen and trees the sound of water, it calls to me<br />
I find myself beside a river again<br />
Sensing a familiar pull of danger again<br />
Beautiful as it is I know this is wrong.<br />
Something is not right<br />
I must leave this place<br />
And just as I'm about to leave that feeling of goodness calls out to me again<br />
Tells me love is around the bend again just give it one more try again<br />
"No" not this time again then my heart says, ever so warmly again<br />
"You can swim. Dive in."Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-25233012771864675042016-08-21T19:45:00.000-07:002016-08-21T19:48:20.255-07:00My Heart and II followed my heart through hell and it left me there<br />It promised at the end it would better<br />Told me that I'd come out of the fire new, reborn, a better me than the me that I was transformed into a being far greater than anything I could see myself being <br />It sung sweet melodies of strength through pain and hummed a tune of torture so agonising it was actually music to my soul<br />And when I questioned its motives, how it lead me astray before and I came out, well... not so good, it smooth talked me<br />Sweetly caressed my fears and made my doubts disappear with words it knew I wanted to hear<br />Lies It knew I'd make myself believe and follow it into the dark in hopes of the life I'd recieve <br />Good things come through trials they say so I followed<br />Endured the pain of burning flesh<br />The fear of endless darkness and paths of jagged rocks that pierced my skin<br />The heart knows no bounds and I lept with it into the treacherous beyond<br />Deeper and deeper with only its smooth sultry voice as my guide to the other side<br />And at the deepest of deeps<br />Where only the sound of my breathing echoed in the caverns<br />My body ragged and torn<br />My soul broken<br />My will shattered and my faith in all things at its end I heard a laugh<br />A sound of pure glee, almost psychotic even, manic<br />And the more I listened the more it seemed that this laugh wasn't glee<br />It was the sound of success, accomplishment<br />Here in the deep my heart was laughing at me telling me how I was so easy<br />That I never learn and thus was fooled by the same game once more<br />Then it was gone, no doubt to return again with promises I'll believe again<br />And then I'll find myself here again<br />Mad at myself for believing again only to be lost again in a situation specifically designed for me to fail at again and again until my failure becomes the norm<br />I followed my heart through hell and it left me there to realise I'd never really been gone.<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #404040; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #404040; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #404040; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #404040; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px;"><br /></span></span>Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-53378139332359282712016-05-08T12:22:00.000-07:002016-05-08T13:17:16.515-07:00Unseen Touch<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Familly members Youngest to oldest and sons. Mother's Day 2016 mom was awarded mother of the year award at her/our church New Testament Church of God Miracle temple Bermuda. And this is the fifth poem I've done for her and this time I had help. I posed the first phrase of each stanza and asked for sentences of any kind and promised I would rework their ideas to fit poetry and sell exactly what it was they were trying to say. The first two siblings after my brother couldn't think of what to write so I had to use some creative skills and morph their exact words from phone conversation into something uniquely them. All in all. I think it came out well. Hope you all like it.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Anthony (second son)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Joan (sister)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Charles (brother)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Phyllis (sister)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Marie (sister)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Bertha (sister)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Kenneth (brother)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Wallace (me)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If I knew that after today, I’d never see you again, </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'd thank you for believing in me</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Encouraging me to strive towards my best. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Tell you It was Daily Bread on drives from Dockyard that introduced me to my favourite scripture (Hebrews 11:6).</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Thank you for all the words and phrases you’ve made up in my lifetime, oftentimes without knowing that fueled countless jokes</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Endless laughter.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Remind you that you are one of God's greatest gems </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
my Mommie Dearest, one of a kind</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
there's no one more special.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If I knew that after today I’d never see you again, I don’t know what I’d say. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There isn’t anything I could say that I haven’t already said. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And that is saying something.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If I knew that after today I’d never see you again, I wouldn’t be able to think of what to say. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’d want it to be personal and uniquely me so you’d know how much I care.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If I knew that after today I’d never see you again, I’d let you know my life would be bleak without you in it. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Thank God for a sister like you</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If I knew that after today I’d never see you again, I’d think about how you love to make pound cake </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Call me when it fell. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’d save the day with my super human baking powers and behold </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The next time</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Perfect pound cake would be made. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If our mother were alive still, you’d call her </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But clearly you recognise I’m just as good. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Maybe even better. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’d let you know that I value that you value my advice.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If I knew that after today I’d never see you again, I’d tell you how lucky I was to be blessed with a sister like you.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Who likes to have fun playing group games. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Is so loving and kind and giving towards others. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’d tell you about the love I felt and shared in your presence though I didn’t always verbalise it.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If I knew that after today I’d never see you again, I would be confused, </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
quiet. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’d think about events gone by, </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Christmas, Cupmatch, church invites. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
No more pollymeat, a childhood nickname</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Lost but not forgotten </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’d use the time to be silent</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Remember all the good times shared.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If I knew that after today, I’d never see you again, </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’d take you in my arms and hold on to you </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Real, real tight. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’d experience your touch one last time.</div>
Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-15978590481963581312015-07-16T14:29:00.000-07:002015-12-11T15:13:20.561-08:00It's time<span style="line-height: normal;">I think it may be time</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">Time to let go, move on, give up</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">Face the music and let the world consume me</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">Meet the fate i tried to change</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">Rearrange</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">Evade</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">Accept the nothingnesss and drift away into the eternal abyss of worthlessness of the me i really am and accept that the me I want to be is the stuff that pipes are made of</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="line-height: normal;">I should just wash my hands of it all and be done</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">Be consumed by the dark and not even worry if i will be missed when I'm gone</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">I don't care enough to be concerned about such things</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">The years of smiling and laughing and pretending to be this person that on the inside my true self laughs at </span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">He knows the dark secrets of self loathing and hate that dwell deep within</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">That i have hit the point where i am so far gone that faking it isn't even working anymore</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">Tried to fake it to make it and ended up breaking it and no longer feel like making it or taking this life thing anymore</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">Blink and I'll be gone </span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">From the darkness to the darkness a trade off from awareness to nothingness will probably be so much better than this</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">And the shame of it all is the blame.... it's all mine</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">It's all my fault </span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">I'm undoing the lie and disappearing in the truths of the worthless lie of my life i will no longer deny</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">I'll cry myself into an eternal goodbye</span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;">Yeah it's time to let go and....</span>Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-81591933669833812892015-05-10T05:22:00.000-07:002015-11-28T18:28:56.549-08:00Morning Run<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J_nWc9YFOyw/VU9NCZd8JYI/AAAAAAAAFXM/MrvJqpx3sqM/s1600/20150329_155250.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J_nWc9YFOyw/VU9NCZd8JYI/AAAAAAAAFXM/MrvJqpx3sqM/s320/20150329_155250.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />I see you when I run, or more accurately I feel you<br />Before I hit the hill I try to stretch my eyes above and beyond to see you waiting for the morning bus, but to no avail<br />So bobbing left and right the anticipation rises deep inside and I see you before you see me and I tell myself ‘keep a straight face this time’<br />I fail miserably<br />Glowing in anticipation of your glow and then… you notice me<br />You smile<br />You wave<br />For seconds the entire world feels like it will be okay and all my troubles melt away and it lingers for a while, long after I’ve passed you by<br />That is the power you wield in just a smile and a wave<br />Like magic, a life, instantly healed, saved<br />I try to leave the gym right on time to see you<br />Plan far enough ahead the day before to know I wont miss you<br />Just the thought of this moment consumes my being and then….<a name='more'></a><br />I see you and everything is okay<br />See we have something no one else can claim<br />Nine months of walking<br />Breathing<br />Laughing crying<br />Kindness given and pain received<br />You took me with you through all of your experiences even before I could remember a thing<br />And I’m sure in your mind this life inside you would grow into something beyond your wildest dreams<br />What we have, so simple as it may seem is that for nine months you carried me<br />Wait that can’t be right<br />For nine months you and I were one<br />See you didn’t carry me like a cup in your hand<div>
Something you could rest aside and come back to later<br />I breathed cause you breathed<br />I ate because you ate<br />I moved from here to there because you didn’t stay in one place<br />I was physically connected, corded, joined to your body<br />A life force that could not survive without your survival<br />My blood<br />My heart beat<br />My feet and hands, eyes, nose, mouth, the hair on my head, all grew and formed by the nourishment you gave me<br />I once said mother is god in the eyes of a child this is why cause you didn’t carry me but I was formed inside you<br />Your body was a new life form creation machine<br />For a time I was you and you where me and without you I definitely could not be<br />We shared a life quite literally<br />You gave part of you to me so that I could breathe<br />So no you did not carry me along, but shared everything, all of you, with me for the months we were one<br />And when you looked me in the eyes you named me and from then on you loved me just as I was, am, and will grow to be<br />So when I’m running over the hill I don’t see you, I feel you<br />That part you gave nothing is strong enough to take away<br />And should the day come when I’ll see you no more I’ll look at that bus stop, see you smile and wave cause I will see you in my soul from far beyond the grave<br />Yes even in your absence for a moment my life will be okay<br />All troubles will melt away<br />Part of you is in me and that I will always see<br />Even if my sight is somehow taken from me<br />And through faith I am here because I know you said that if I was meant to be to not be taken away and if I wasn’t….<br />Well here I am alive and breathing so I guess I truly am destined to be here<br />So to make things clear<br />Thank you for sharing, not carrying me along with you<br />There are some things far beyond what love can give<br />And I remember it’s because of them that I do live<br />When I run up the hill next, I will always see you smile and wave long before my eyes reach you<br />That part you gave is connected to that smile and wave<br />My heart and my soul will forever see you, feel you<br />For I was you and you were me for a time<br />I’m a product of creation and evidence of what a life shared can do<br />And you continue to have to power to create change<br />With something as simple as a smile and a wave.</div>
Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-44575894012783539952014-04-20T13:43:00.000-07:002016-10-05T00:06:52.516-07:00The Reader And The WordsWriting<br />
How to describe it<br />
Euphoric bliss as words bleed out from fingertips and ink the pages of one's soul<br />
Take flight into places the writer could never go<br />
Leave impressions in the snow banks of the lives of people that may have lost their way<br />
In each word there's an imprint<br />
A message<br />
A passage into a journey deep within<br />
Beyond even what the author experienced when they gave birth too...<br />
Inspiration<br />
Salvation<br />
A connection that only words can make<br />
A bridge into the dark places that make one feel all alone<br />
Into that personal place where words leap from the page and swirl in the darkness glowing in the minds of the ones it is meant to connect with<br />
Nothing exists except for them and the message<br />
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The release<br />
The understanding<br />
The cries of acceptance that breathes life in the dark and sends music into the hearts of those who feel their heart is beyond repair<br />
Yes writing can do all these things<br />
It can warm the frost that has consumed the lost and melt it into warm pools of joy which they can cry in, and wash away the scum that threatened to freeze them to death<br />
It can cause anger in someone who thought they were beyond such emotions of hate and remind them that they are human just like the rest<br />
Words can give us wings to fly above and beyond the things that keep us grounded in places we ought not be in<br />
Just close your eyes and let them melt into you<br />
Devour you like a slowly melting chocolate sending tingling sensations through your body as every emotion that you feel elevates<br />
Multiplies<br />
Threatens to consume in a painful yet oh so blissful experience where you realise it's okay to let go<br />
Be free<br />
Be you<br />
All these things can happen when there is just you and the page, the poem, the book, the song, the essay, the words become everything and nothing and you and them are one<br />
That is what writing is<br />
The music of going beyond what the writer is saying and to the place of how it connects with you<br />
What it says to you<br />
Does to you<br />
Changes in you<br />
Makes or breaks you and possibly reveals the truths that you try to hide so deep down inside<br />
Even now forget about the fact that someone else penned this<br />
That it came from anywhere than for the purpose of being for you<br />
Your eyes have touched it<br />
It belongs to you now<br />
This experience is yours and no one elses and yes, you're allowed to be selfish yet still share the words with someone else so they can claim it as their own as well<br />
And as you surf the seas of sentences and verse and muses that bring the words together in coherent combinations, take a dive and drown in the emotions that this brings<br />
Hold it<br />
Own it<br />
Don't let it go<br />
Envelope it for the moment and let it linger on inside for that moment when you need to revisit, remind, experience again for the first time<br />
the day when you first realised<br />
'that you are not alone'Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030738341193333843.post-80611573670509512512014-04-17T18:54:00.002-07:002016-10-09T06:45:16.484-07:00Wings<div>
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--N72qBcw5-Q/U_5kPOETUQI/AAAAAAAAC7I/bpYKXgWbrzQ/s1600/97f25324bd4a43e13a6439e623f3212a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--N72qBcw5-Q/U_5kPOETUQI/AAAAAAAAC7I/bpYKXgWbrzQ/s320/97f25324bd4a43e13a6439e623f3212a.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I tried to fly but my feet never left the ground<br />
I realised I don’t know how<br />
Or at least I think I don’t know<br />
Something was nagging at the back of my mind<br />
Trying to break free<br />
Telling me there was more to me<br />
Something had happened to make me incomplete<br />
And the more I pondered this seeming distant thought, the more clear it became<br />
I couldn’t fly because I didn’t have wings--obviously<br />
Yet that thing in the back of my head kept knocking<br />
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Banging loud enough to cause a mild migraine<br />
And as I stared into the mirror, downing some Excedrin, water after the pill was swallowed<br />
I noticed something, no felt something<br />
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I reached my hand behind me and turned to see my back in the mirror<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I immediately felt like an idiot</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">My back was the same as every day before</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Wishing for wings wasn’t going to make them appear, but... what if it could</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Maybe if I thought hard enough they would appear</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Appear to take me into the air</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Remove me from this dismal place of self-defeat and depression and help me glide onto the clouds of self-worth</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Ride the winds of recovery and become the man I know I once was</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Today could be the beginning of a better me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">But I can’t take flight without wings </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Must </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Concentrate</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Breathe in, Breathe out,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Will myself into a better place</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Where I can fly, if only figuratively, and find strength to pull me out of the gutters and filth I’m swimming in</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Take me to the springs of the highest mountains to bathe in the purest of waters</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Renew my soul and bring warmth back to my heart</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">This day, will be the day,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The day of all days</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Upward, forward, onward, there is only ahead to go </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And that’s when it happened</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">With a swoosh and a and a gush of wind so strong I almost fell down... out sprouted the most beautiful wings</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Blue, the colour of the clearest ocean with darker blue highlights and a span too large for my tiny bathroom--so I had to fold them in</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I grab one and touch it</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Feel the soft yet strongness of the feathers... and it comes to me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Why I forgot that I had wings</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I was at war</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">With life</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">It fought hard and defeated me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Made me forget all that made me whole</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Took my hopes and dreams and joys away</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Left me in this shadow of a man to slowly wither away until I ended my pain</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Your poison seeped through me and weakened my mind </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Took my memories and made me think I never could fly</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Erased each battle, each time you laughed in my face so that I’d wake sinking further into a state of dark embrace</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Each day bringing me closer to the day I’d destroy myself</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">My death would make you stronger</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Just another soul destroyed by your evil</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">But this time it was different--I remember</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">This time as I travelled down halls that screamed out in pain</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Up stairwells slippery, covered in the moss of shame</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Through doors with locks stiffened from life’s abuse</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And rooms filled with the dust of mounting doom</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Over mountains with winds of defeat threating to send me to my death</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And through valleys of unworthiness that seemed to have no end</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Through waters so cold they froze my hope</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And rains so intense they drowned my faith</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Lighting that struck that almost killed my strength</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And smog so thick I almost lost my breath</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">To the very depths of darkness I entered into your camp </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">To take back what was mine</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Take back what you thefted</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And this time as my blade of fire formed I smote you down</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I won’t be defeated,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">No</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">This time life, you lose</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And as the battle came to that point where I went in for the kill </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I screamed out all the years of torture I lived at your will</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And through your heart my sword did fly</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">This day</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Yes this day</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I reclaim my life</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">In a puff of rancid black smoke your shell evaporated</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Then into the air, gone, and that’s when I saw it</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">A bottle</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Glowing </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">In the middle of the field</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Made of pure light</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I smashed it open and now here I stand</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Awake the next day, all that I once owned is back</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">But my reflection seems to be looking down, at my hand</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">So I raise it and stretch it outwards towards the mirror</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Quick as a flash my reflection grabbed and stabbed my arm and oozing out was a sizzling orange liquid</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">It almost seemed to scream as it took form, for just a moment, i</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">nto the </span>thing,<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> I thought I’d killed, just the night before</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Life was still in me trying its last attempt</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">To send me down the road of forgetting all over again</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And as I looked at my reflection it smiled with a nod</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Then I ran outside my house to breathe in… freedom</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_GbKGafA8mc/U_5kPHAefCI/AAAAAAAAC7U/trwxL4gjhhk/s1600/1308840037-screenshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_GbKGafA8mc/U_5kPHAefCI/AAAAAAAAC7U/trwxL4gjhhk/s1600/1308840037-screenshot.jpg" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">See there was something deep inside that this world couldn’t touch</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And somehow, beyond all reason, I managed to save myself,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">From the hate that life poured into me rather successfully</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I escaped, and now life it looks oh so different</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">This isn’t the same world that succeeded in doing me in</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And now I must begin to find my way again</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And you, yes you, you know who you are</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">You didn’t nail me to the ground</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">You didn’t succeed, no I won this, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I won this</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And now you’re going to see what you could never take from me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Now you’ll see what your jealousy has done</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">You tried to clip me because you wanted what I have</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">But now, I’ll show you</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Watch in horror as you witness my power</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I’m coming to get you</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Vengeance shall be mine</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I beat my wings with a determination so strong</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Now</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Watch me soar</span></div>
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Samuel Alexanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15954156224278651551noreply@blogger.com0