Breathing is something I do everyday
It comes naturally
I do it subconsciously without even thinking--it just happens
But today... I dunno... breathing seems like a task
Every time I inhale it feels like I'm swallowing a thousand pins and a hundred needles
With every exhale it feels like I am releasing fire--It burns so badly
I thought about holding my breath, but the heat will leave me in ashes and the pins and needles will leave me bleeding
Bleeding from the inside out
Now my pain has gone beyond merely breathing and has become internalized and my whole body is affected
I feel like I have been injected with a poison that works so slow it will take a whole lifetime to destroy me
So I continue to breathe and question my existence wondering if this is all life should be
Wondering if everyone else has been injected, or is it just my life that has been poisoned
I see the world walking by innocently, smiling, laughing, loving, hoping...feeling
Damn, am I the only one that's dying this slow and lonely death, or is everyone else hiding their truth behind their smiles
Smiles that they try to shove down my throats along with their religion and other beliefs
Trying to force me to be fake like they are hiding my pain and the harsh realities of life behind a veneer of sunshine
No... I don't think i'm alone
I'm just real, true, honest and not ashamed to admit how I hurt I am and how sometimes, alone, I cry
The more I think about it, the more it occurs to me, that there is no one on this planet who is as brave as me
I face the truth of my poison without pretending it doesn't hurt
I look depression in the eye, as dark as it is, and remind it that I'm the only fearless one left
Unlike the rest I will not pretend you don't exist
I will embrace that battle before me and go in knowing that it may be my last fight
I will fight
I can not and will not hide behind the falsity, the blasphemy of denying life and all of its harsh realities that attack me both by day and night
I am stronger than you and when life rages war against the world you will be amongst the first to be destroyed and I will trample on your remains
Then take your crumbled remains and lace my weed with it
Roll a blunt so big it would make Bob Marley jealous.
I will light your ass on fire
Inhale the shame you tried to make me feel and exhale a smoke of "fuck you."
No more than that, a ‘fuck you right up the ass’ of the depression you tried to make me feel was of my own doing
Yah karma just came back to haunt you in the form of me and now you’ve been smoked and I'm getting high of my victory
You thought you had me but your ashes are now my satisfaction
I'm on top now biotch!
I exhale again
Letting out the tears my fucking eyes wouldn't allow me to cry,
Exhaling the physical pain I felt each time you showed up with your best friend anxiety.
I blow out the memories, flashbacks, and dreams you haunted me with at night
I cant believe I ever trusted you or even believed your lies
You tried to make me feel that because I faced my pain and allowed myself to be truly enveloped in all that was me, that i was nothing, less than nothing, not even anything
And I believed it all because I thought you had my best interest at heart
But with each inhale of your defeat I find more clarity and maybe even peace but for now... I will put my mind as ease,
By fighting my lesser demons,
I will build my strength up for the end of the war
I will practice my round kicks in the face of betrayal and mistrust.
I will give ungrateful Love two upper cuts and blade to the chest, piercing its heart,
The same way that it pierced through mine.
And with my long sword I shall remove the arms of false security that you used to bind me instead of comfort and console me
Then with my hidden poisoned darts I will shoot your feet so you will never walk over another persons soul like you did to me
Your mouth, a straight jab then I'll pull out your tongue so you can no longer spew the disintegrating acid you call love, oh but dont get exciterd
There's much much more to come
For I have become a fucking assassin,
I am full loaded, 4 m-16, 3 riffles and 2 45's.
I am on a mission, to torture, murder and destroy the false hopes of friendship and family you gave me
I am determined to prove I can survive this thing called life on my own, fuck what you heard this man is an island
And I’m on fire and now nothing can stop me
Nothing is safe from me,
You made me this way
Into this perfect killing machine
By filling me with all your negative, destructive, loveless, rotten and molten destruction
But you did not succeed,
I'm still standing here,
I'm still alive, strong and breathing and I will find the truths in life because although all you did was lie I've learned that it is still out there
It's just not in you to find
So I will seek this truth relentlessly,
Fight your lies tenaciously
Shoot my truth finding bullets endlessly.
For I have fallen for your lies for way too long
And I've given you power because I became too lazy to give a fuck.
But now that I've accepted your presence, no longer deny your existence, I will not just give a fuck, but I will do so murderously.
I will strike hard with alarming accuracy
And I will never fail to hit my target and will leave you behind in the same cloud of doubt misery and untruths and lies you threw at me
You are now the only one left standing underneath the rain of the hate cloud you tried to put over me
But I have now become waterproof in my rain-suit of finding truth
And as i use all that you taught me to pave away into the light
I will not fear the dark,
I will embrace the fight and thank you for all the shit you done to me
Cause if you weren't so fucked up than this new super and awesome being I have become would not be
Your fucking me over only gave the me the power to fuck you up
Your fucking me over only gave the me the power to fuck you up
So you can blame yourself for the creation of your own demise
See in the end I will just look you in the eyes, spit my new found truth in you face, let it burn like acid and end your miserable existence
No longer will I inhale blades and exhale fire
No longer will others have to pretend you aren't real
No more fighting my life away,
For there will come a day when the truth will set me free...
Leaving me ready willing and able...
Death is your destiny and murder is my mission
So with one last breath inhale your blunt of lies and exhale a smoke truth.