I came upon a pool of water, it seemed so calm, serene.
Something was saying it wasn't safe I turned to leave but then my heart said
"You can swim. Dive in"
So I did
The water felt cool and calmed my soul then the voice said "deeper" and so... I dove
Into the cool blue I swam then blue turned to dark
I went to swim back up then the voice promised sweet things were waiting at the bottom
It said "Here I'll help you breathe. Go just a bit further"
Down I went until I couldn't see my way.
Now the water is cold
A chill runs through my body
I know this can't be safe, but the voice eggs me on so I swim on through the pain
Bumping against things that hide in the dark
Scraping against jagged rocks that cut to the bone
To the soul to the very core of my being but something says "keep going, keep on swimming.
I promise it will be worth it. Endure the pain."
I say "you promised I'd never go through this again"
"But you survived the last time trust me, it won't be the same. This time you'll win
Come out stronger than before. Swim. Swim just a little bit more"
So on I go my soul bleeding into the deep
My confidence destroyed my self-worth depleteded
And just when I think I cant take no more, I float in the middle of nowhere... no ceiling no floor
My tears wash away in the ocean of my tormented soul
And here I am broken my heart has failed me once more
It cowers away in silence ashamed that it was fooled
That once again the pull of something more was too great for common sense to rule
We moan into the deep hearing the echo of our pain
Me and my heart at the same place once more, in this love war loss is all we gain
Eyes about to close, this time will be the last time that we are fooled by even the slightest of hopes that happiness was in our grasp and then... we see it
A light above, So far far away
We mend our broken pieces of pain back together and go up, up to the light
Up to the ceiling above us to broken to think we are even worth saving
Our everything destroyed
Nothing matters anymore
On the surface once more the game played, at its end
We wonder how we made it out alive, more broken than before yet here on dry land
Obviously we aren't worthy of the greatness that other people have
We are nothing worthless and deserving of death
So I start to walk home, ready to give up on it all
The living-dead after the suicide of my own heart
But, through the glen and trees the sound of water, it calls to me
I find myself beside a river again
Sensing a familiar pull of danger again
Beautiful as it is I know this is wrong.
Something is not right
I must leave this place
And just as I'm about to leave that feeling of goodness calls out to me again
Tells me love is around the bend again just give it one more try again
"No" not this time again then my heart says, ever so warmly again
"You can swim. Dive in."
Saturday, 1 October 2016
Just a writer living and lurking in the dark corners of my mind. And somehow surviving. Occasionally I surface to write something like Virgil, Dana, Salinor, Brothers and Frenemies and Broken. Otherwise just your normal starving artist who chooses cheesecake and fries and Moscato as his artistic fuel and calorie indulgents.