Friday 27 April 2012

Alone

I'm sitting he on my bed
Alone just thinking
That yeah I'm alone just thinking as usual
No one to shout at me for running late
No one snoring beside me driving me insane
No one to share a slice of toast with
No one to fight over the last bagel in the fridge
It's just, this word alone filters through my entire being
I eat alone, work alone, sleep alone, live alone,
I write alone
And if words are my mistress, poetry my love, I have no one to share it with
No one to force to read my unpublished works and help me perfect my craft
No one to cry with me when i'm hurt
No one to experience my joy when i'm lifted from pain
It's just me as usual and i find i dont want to do much anymore
And should someone come my way
I cling to them in the most depressing ways
And they never like to read, aren't interested in what I write
Wont chill with me in public usually and would much rather hide in the confines of their homes
Keep it a secret
And i'm so desperately alone that even though I know this relationship is doomed to failure
I compromise everything to make it last, I don't care what it takes I'll make it work
Even if i have to sell my soul to the underworld to make it happen
And then it fails again, and yes it really is me to blame
And now I find myself here wanting to do it all over
Maybe next time it will work
But reality has set in for me
And i've decided to let this word alone run right through me
Embrace it claim it
No more sacrifice
I wont cling for a love that I know wont survive
I will wait for something thats just right
So here I am alone, by my own divine decision
I know it's the best thing
I know it's the way to go
But...
I'm falling appart
Dying inside
I'm alone
Cold
Empty
Slowly being destroyed
How could something so right bring me so much pain
If it's better this way
Why does Alone fell the same... As when I am not alone
It hurts too much

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