Monday, 18 February 2013

Call Me By My Name

On the day I was born... My mother named me
Not very ingenious, I know... But it's true
She did name me
And that's when it began
Life, growth, the journey towards becoming the me that I am today
It all started with a name
An identity given
But I havent heard that name in a while

See I've been called a few things
Labeled by society in many ways
Been called loser because I didn't fit in
Been called cry baby because I get emotional sometimes
Deserter because I didn't stay on the path chosen for me
Gay because I didn't display what you considered straight behavior
Weak because I didn't fight when told to
Dumb because I'm uneducated
Hopeless because I chase dreams I have yet to reach
Delusional for believing I can reach them
Mean when I am honest and you don't like it
A failure because I did fail at some things
Scum when I was drowning in life
Homeless when I lost it all
Depressed because I live with Depression
But I was still the same
It was you that had changed
You that didn't help me when I made mistakes and fell by the way
You who pounded me further into the ground with your words of hate, your actions of neglect
How you smiled at me and pretended to be my friend only to be the one to destroy me in the end

This is what happened to me beyond the day of my birth
I got named in all different ways based on how people saw me,
Where they found me
What I was in and how far they thought i was from what they wanted me to be
But that was never me
I have a name and it isn't any of those things
On the inside a power breathes that exists beyond the words, the ideas, the presumptions and assumptions that you placed on me and chose to name me with

Why do the people you love hurt you most
Why does this world, this place I called home
Drown me in it's evil and not bother to hang me out to dry
Because I haven't been washed and cleaned but soaked in the disgusting muck of betrayal
Now I'm all gunky and weighted down in the mud of the names placed upon me
Weighted with the sorrow and depression you put me in that was yours and not mine
Deflected your hatred on me because you were jealous of the way I chose to live
Jealous of the boldness in my step and the confidence in my breath so you pounded me until I was too flat to be of much use and then, finally, you named me... Defeated

But my soul still rose on the beat of the wings of my heart and glided on the winds of my aura and took flight in the clouds of inner-strength and soared through the skies of determination in my mind
Through all you're destruction I still did rise
And I am not what you named me
Cry baby
These are not what my mother named me

So when all was gone I went to her
To hear the name that is mine
To see what I am through the eyes of the one who gave me life
Her heart has not forgotten me
Her love has not deserted me
The truth lies within her soul and I look to her for clarity
To give me what I know to be true
To hear the name I hold in my heart
Call me by my name--I say
And she smiles and says

I call you... Surviver
I call you... the dreamer of dreams
I call you... A believer
I call you... My heart
You are a giver of hope
You are a friend
You are Strength and Courage
You are a facer of fears, an accepter of imperfections
You bring life to words
Make phrases breathe on the page and then take flight and land in the nest of the minds who read it
Leaving them changed, different then before
You are Inspiration...

You are my son and you... Are a writer

Sunday, 10 February 2013

Your Eyes

Your eyes they speak to me
They beg of me to take a dive
Swim in the depths of them
Find your soul and make you mine, intertwine it with mines and make an us out of you and me

They say things that only I can understand
In them I can drown and leave memories of dry land behind until we surface together on an island for two
I could spend everyday inside those pools of grey that remind of rain, water, the nectar of life

I want to be in you mind
Feel your thoughts as they connect with minds until there is no difference
They inspire me to see the beauty within you and feel the magic of your aura as it escapes and through you I become better
A heart so pure looks out me through such glowing pools of serenity that I loose myself so fully in the wonder of them
How could the essence of ones being and all it's complexity be seen in two forms so pure

Your eyes make me weak and I'm a salve to their beauty and I find I'm throwing myself at your knees
Offering myself to be the one you need from now, until tomorrow is now, and the next day is right now... again
I'll be your moment for the first time every-time because though time moves on, the beauty in your eyes will always shine and my heart will beat for you as long as you gaze upon me with such love

But you don't

I'm fabricating a relationship of wonder based on the wonder of your eyes
But they see only some other guy
He swims in your soul, knows your mind and I...
Well I have the fantasy of your eyes one day looking at me that way
So today I will watch you hand in hand with him, as you smile and say hi to me, and I'll imprint the memory of glow in your eyes on my mind
And lust to gaze upon them again till tomorrow
My fantasy,