I Am Ready

Sometimes I wonder... Is it me
Is there something that I've done
In my past life... In this one
Or some evil future that will soon come to pass
What did i do to deserve what I have, or what i dont have

I'm ready to give my all
Depserate to hand over my will
At the point where nothing and anything could stop me from taking my own life if it would give me the chance to be the one in someone else's hands
An object of obsession and devotion and all the good and bad emotional avenues of expression that creates the sensation of love

There is nothing I wouldn't give
No act so hanious I wouldn't commit
No amount of self deprication I wouldn't subject myself to
No embarassment I wouldn't bare
I would relinquish all that makes me the person that I am
I would destroy the aura of what I've become and turn into a completely knew being if I knew for sure it would bring love to me

I'm ready to accept all that it is
The ugly and beautiful and comprise and the undifined places both in light and dark that love will take me
All I ask is that they are willing to do the same for me
I guess it's asking for too much to be loved
Maybe I should just stick with someone to love
Someone for me to throw my all into even if I dont get it back
But even that is denied to me
Love actively hides and runs when I come in its direction
Though I've prepared myself through the lonely nights and all the pain I've felt inside to be open for it to come in
In any form love should choose
In any place it should choose to appear
Whether through storm or light of day
I'm standing armed to recieve love right here... now... today

But alas... preparation clearly doesn't matter
And I fear I'll be alone here and the here-after
But I know I'd win it over if it slowed down only just enough to at me look
Cause then it would surely see
That I am ready for love
Samuel Alexander