Saturday, 25 February 2012


I’m looking for something, searching, hunting
I need this, want it deserve it
Or maybe that’s the problem, that I don’t deserve it
But that can’t be, I’ve played by the rules
Done my part, been through the ups and downs, heartaches and pains
I’ve grown. . .  matured, I deserve it, hell I’ve earned it

So I’ll travel far and wide on a search to find what my life is missing
Under the beds and in my closets
Over mountains and through the valleys but still it eludes me, taunts me, refuses to make itself known
It defeats me so I give up, and then I see it
To my left, to my right, above and below, everywhere
I’ve been waking up each morning searching for something that’s within my reach
So I do just that and reach, but it moves away
I run after it but it runs faster
I cry out to it but it ignores me
I pray and plead but it passes me by
Yet it hears the calls of others

Everyday people walking up and down the street
It’s in their eyes, they way they hold hands, the warmth in the smiles shared
The connection of hearts that joins their all and releases the vulnerability of their souls into the arms of the one they trust to treat it like a treasure beyond the limitations of this world
But here I am, begging, groveling at the mercy of its feet
While it smiles and laughs at me
Refuses to answer me and sends me spiraling down into an insane world of loneliness and emptiness
Floating down a heartless river of my own tears on my raft of hope that one day I’ll be heard
That one day the emptiness of my soul will join the river of my tears and flow into an endless sea of possibilities
But each day I believe it less
Heartache becomes the equivalent of happiness and my raft of hope crashes amongst the reefs of despair and the broken shards chip away at my resolve
Forcing me to realize that alone is my world
Empty solitude is my realm

But still I search for it, though it laughs at me
Still I believe in it, though it denies me the chance to call someone mine
To belong to another
To feel something so great words can’t define it
A connection so strong it reaches from this world to the next
Where your minds, hearts, souls and bodies intertwine in a perfect symphony that just glows and inspires all within its range

I want that feeling
I’ve done all I was asked
I’ve made my mistakes, and tried to make things right
So why am I here crying out with all that I am year after year trying to ignore the signs
Trying to ignore the laughter by shouting my prayers louder

But the voice in my head won’t go away
It's saying you’ll never find your one and only someone
You’ll live your life missing out on the joining of your soul with another
Still I can’t believe it
Not after I worked so hard for it
I deserve it, hell I’ve earned it
I'd give my life to destroy the conclusion that destiny is pulling me too
That love has decided I’m not worthy.


  1. You are worthy and I can unfortunately relate to every line of this poem. Never had I had anything close to love and I often looked in the mirror to place the blame when really it had nothing to do with me being undeserving, it had to do with OTHER people not deserving me. Great people require other Great people and it takes the universe a little longer to manufacture that person and deliver them to us. For he will come. I believe it. In the meantime keep loving yourself. I love the vulnerability of this piece, the honesty and I can truly say that I understand where you are coming from.

    1. Thanks. I think i was actually dating when i wrote this. I just tap into whatever emotion i need when I write a piece and hope it transfers well and speaks to something that everyone can relate to on their own personal level. And true it's never the persons fault really, but knowing it's not doen't seem to change the emotion behind believing it is all the time. Glad you liked the piece.