Saturday, 12 May 2012

To Be Not Me

Today I decided to pretend to not be me
Today I have a big house a wife and a family
Or a man that loves me....
Who cares this other me lives in a world of peace and love
He has all the things he needs in just the right amounts
No want for anything, loved by all, famous but modest
This new man is steam on two legs and could have anything on two legs but only wants the one that loves him
Treats him like the person he wishes to be but can never quite see when he looks in the mirror
A man who feels whole and is confident in everything
Walks down the street with an air of achievement, self worth and dignity
Nothing can bring him down for he is on top of the world
Sometimes I wish I could bring this world of make believe into the real world
I know I won't suddenly be him but there must be a way
To leave behind the sorrow
Leave behind the burrowed tears because the well of my soul is all dried up and I need the moisture of others to dampen my eyes
Leave behind the broken heart that has gotten smaller by the pieces each person keeps as a trophy of their work
Leave behind the voiceless soul who used to cry so loud till you beat it with your fist of self doubt till it believed it had no voice and ceased to speak
Leave behind the life torn apart by your disapproving eyes, your vicious lies, your dismissive actions and all the tools in your over crowded arsenal that you use oh so well to bring down those you claim to love
Yes that's what this is all about 
I need my pretend world... I need it so much cause this reality is such a catastrophe I can't believe its happening
But like a house burning down I can only scream "fire fire" as I watch it burn to the ground
I wish there were a way my two worlds could join... then one could heal the other and I will be what I was born to be whole and complete
I will finally be, me... Or the me I used to be
Cause after all that's done even if I am rescued I may not like who I've become
Maybe one day I'll figure it out but the closer I get the more I seem to forget
Cause to live in both worlds at the same time
Is the quickest way to loose grasp on what is real and what is not
So separate the two me's must for ever remain but for now
In this other world
Happy I will stay

1 comment:

  1. in my way of thinking one can walk with dignity and self worth no matter what the circumstances are my friend. Take a look around, not everything is black and white and even the richest persons are unhappy, after all being rich does not guarantee happiness and there are the same doubts, fears and a longing for something different. Wealth can offer one a more relaxed way of life of course, a nice house, car and many other things but happiness cannot be bought in the sense that it is authentic.

    Keep smiling my friend, it does get better...