Wings

I tried to fly but my feet never left the ground
I realised I don’t know how
Or at least I think I don’t know
Something was nagging at the back of my mind
Trying to break free
Telling me there was more to me
Something had happened to make me incomplete
And the more I pondered this seeming distant thought, the more clear it became
I couldn’t fly because I didn’t have wings--obviously
Yet that thing in the back of my head kept knocking

Banging loud enough to cause a mild migraine
And as I stared into the mirror, downing some Excedrin, water after the pill was swallowed
I noticed something, no felt something

I reached my hand behind me and turned to see my back in the mirror

I immediately felt like an idiot

My back was the same as every day before

Wishing for wings wasn’t going to make them appear, but... what if it could

Maybe if I thought hard enough they would appear

Appear to take me into the air

Remove me from this dismal place of self-defeat and depression and help me glide onto the clouds of self-worth

Ride the winds of recovery and become the man I know I once was

Today could be the beginning of a better me

But I can’t take flight without wings

I

Must

Concentrate

Breathe in, Breathe out,

Will myself into a better place

Where I can fly, if only figuratively, and find strength to pull me out of the gutters and filth I’m swimming in

Take me to the springs of the highest mountains to bathe in the purest of waters

Renew my soul and bring warmth back to my heart

This day, will be the day,

The day of all days

Upward, forward, onward, there is only ahead to go

And that’s when it happened

With a swoosh and a and a gush of wind so strong I almost fell down... out sprouted the most beautiful wings

Blue, the colour of the clearest ocean with darker blue highlights and a span too large for my tiny bathroom--so I had to fold them in

I grab one and touch it

Feel the soft yet strongness of the feathers... and it comes to me

Why I forgot that I had wings

I was at war

With life

It fought hard and defeated me

Made me forget all that made me whole

Took my hopes and dreams and joys away

Left me in this shadow of a man to slowly wither away until I ended my pain

Your poison seeped through me and weakened my mind

Took my memories and made me think I never could fly

Erased each battle, each time you laughed in my face so that I’d wake sinking further into a state of dark embrace

Each day bringing me closer to the day I’d destroy myself

My death would make you stronger

Just another soul destroyed by your evil

But this time it was different--I remember

This time as I travelled down halls that screamed out in pain

Up stairwells slippery, covered in the moss of shame

Through doors with locks stiffened from life’s abuse

And rooms filled with the dust of mounting doom

Over mountains with winds of defeat threating to send me to my death

And through valleys of unworthiness that seemed to have no end

Through waters so cold they froze my hope

And rains so intense they drowned my faith

Lighting that struck that almost killed my strength

And smog so thick I almost lost my breath

To the very depths of darkness I entered into your camp

To take back what was mine

Take back what you thefted

And this time as my blade of fire formed I smote you down

I won’t be defeated,

No

This time life, you lose

And as the battle came to that point where I went in for the kill

I screamed out all the years of torture I lived at your will

And through your heart my sword did fly

This day

Yes this day

I reclaim my life

In a puff of rancid black smoke your shell evaporated

Then into the air, gone, and that’s when I saw it

A bottle

Glowing

In the middle of the field

Made of pure light

I smashed it open and now here I stand

Awake the next day, all that I once owned is back

But my reflection seems to be looking down, at my hand

So I raise it and stretch it outwards towards the mirror

Quick as a flash my reflection grabbed and stabbed my arm and oozing out was a sizzling orange liquid

It almost seemed to scream as it took form, for just a moment, into the thing, I thought I’d killed, just the night before

Life was still in me trying its last attempt

To send me down the road of forgetting all over again

And as I looked at my reflection it smiled with a nod

Then I ran outside my house to breathe in… freedom

See there was something deep inside that this world couldn’t touch

And somehow, beyond all reason, I managed to save myself,

From the hate that life poured into me rather successfully

I escaped, and now life it looks oh so different

This isn’t the same world that succeeded in doing me in

And now I must begin to find my way again

And you, yes you, you know who you are

You didn’t nail me to the ground

You didn’t succeed, no I won this,

I won this

And now you’re going to see what you could never take from me

Now you’ll see what your jealousy has done

You tried to clip me because you wanted what I have

But now, I’ll show you

Watch in horror as you witness my power

I’m coming to get you

Vengeance shall be mine

I beat my wings with a determination so strong

Now

Watch me soar