Nor this one just past
Or the ones previously and it seems I will be perpetually stuck here to continuously live the insanity and revisit the calamity of the catastrophe of this thing called my life
Considering how things are going I see no signs of change or things going in a direction that gives me hope to drive on through
Keep doing the do that I do so well even though all that comes out of it is a never-ending well of hell with no water to nourish my dying soul
I've sunken into the hole but I'm not whole
My life is in pieces that are too broken to fit together
The shards of my life no longer fit into each other and it makes me wonder what I was like in my past life to recieve such Karma
When will the debt be paid, the sun shine through my rain, the fog be lifted from my existence, or was I so bad that I carried the extra from the last life into this life and I'm creating new karma to add on to that to take with me into the next like unused minutes in the data plan of my life
A constant rollover of darkness and emptiness
See I've done some things I shouldn't have
Said some things I can`t take back
Blast through walls and left a dust cloud of the hurt I caused those in my way because I wasn't smart enough to realise some walls are there for a reason
Everything has it's season and sometimes taking a step back reassess might have shown me I had the answers all along
The grass was greener and it still is but opting for green grass is a step too fast like someone helping a butterfly out of its shell so it sinks to the ground and dies unable to fly
That sums me up quite nicely
Here without the tools I need, with no way of finding them, not knowing what they are to begin with
And no matter how hard I try to tell myself it will all work out
That the pain makes you stronger
That through the storms and the high winds the strength within will arise
Somehow I'll survie
And I try to do what they tell me
Speak it into existence but my heart isn't in it
I don't believe it
Mean it
See it coming into being
I'm just going through the motions
Letting the tide just take me instead of swimming through the oceans because every time I pave my own path it ends in disaster
Whatever I'm after has decided it isn`t for me so why expend the energy to find it
I`ll put on that good face of positivity like I`m supposed to.
Play the game like I was taught
And question if anyone else out there, like me is dying inside
Drowning in fear and disappointment
Burning up in the flames of defeat and being stabbed by the poisonous darts of despair
Disappearing into the, dying in the, falling into a place so... so.... so....
This year hasn't been the greatest
Nor this one just past
Or the ones previously and it seems nothing I do is working
All the things I was taught have no effect in getting my life on track and undoing whatever harm I've done to myself
But still I`ll press on
Keep on going though I think it isn`t worth it
Until the day the lies that I tell myself to survive one day, become my truths
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