I look at the
two of you together and all I can I think is ‘why’
Why them and not
me
Why does that
person get to hold your hand when you are the one destined for me
Why are they the
one in your arms at night
The one who’s receives
your kisses
Why can’t I know
what it feels like to have you in my arms
Take me to
places that were designed for only us and swim in the seas of something more
than love
Why aren’t I experiencing
that connection, the healthy infatuation, the jubilation and sensation of being
the one you designate your pet name to
Why can’t I have
the joy of finding one for you
How could the
universe be so cruel as to put me in a place where everytime I see the one
destined for me, it is latched onto something it doesn’t want but pretends to
want, more than me
Why do I yearn
for that which is mine but somehow can never really be mine
Why do I send
myself spiraling further into bitterness when I see such displays of false love,
and try to will myself into another dimension where me and this type of person
can happen
Your smiles
enrage me
Your touches
enflame me
Your public
displays of infection set my soul ablaze because I know the truth of the
situation, that it is all a fabrication so that you can pretend you don’t want
what you want… and that is me
Me watching with
eyes of want and longing and hating myself for succumbing to the need to have
what I know you can give
On the dance
floor hip in hip I watch as the two of you make music with your bodies, to
confuse and misdirect the world towards an idea that your love is real
Your unit is solid
in the way that jello turns from boiling water to solidification in the fridge,
only to melt back into liquid under the magnifying glass heat of keen
observation
Yeah… I see
through your farce yet still here I am
Wondering why
Thinking why
Wanting to remove
my why and change it into you so instead of “why them” it would be “you” and me
Together
eternally, blissfully, a unit real and true
One that speaks
to the real you but it will never be true, cause the charade is the reality for
you, and the truth is something you hide in the shade of your public existence
But through all
this it still comes down to why
Why them and not
me walking beside you down the street
And then it
happens, the glance, the stare
The moment they disappear
into a store and you feel the need to linger, roam outside the door
I pretend I
don’t know what’s coming but I’ve been here before
Casual noncommittal
conversation
Number exchange
In my phone I
save it
And you pretend
I’m just some guy you know when your girl walks back out the store, and I nod
say goodbye and move on
Wont let you see
the sad look on my face as I realize why it’s them and not me
I delete your
number and sink back into my bitter ‘why’ state
I know why
It’s because I
refuse to play your game
Be the one to hurt
her heart while you toy with mine
Go fuck with
another person’s life
Then I see
someone else, displaying all the signs
And I think
Why
Why god oh why
