Sunday, 26 January 2014

You Fabricate Me

You tell me that I’m beautiful I say thankyou, but don’t believe
Worthless, lost, useless, hopeless,
Less than human
Those are me
A being that gets from here to there without a care or tiny inclination that it is anything of importance
Yet you seem to think I am
Like you’ve flown down and landed from some alien land and I wonder
Are you blind
Why do you not see what’s plainly before the eye
Can’t you see broken
Lost cause
Emptiness wrapped in a dark shell of depression
Something that appears to be whole but is really just a hole full of all the things that nothing is compromised of
Why won’t you listen to me and run
Let me be
Stop torturing me with words filled with dreams of a me that will never be in existence
Who is this person you are fabricating
Where did they arrive from
And why do you keep addressing them like they are me
Someone else deserves what you can give
Me, me
Well look at me
Just look at me
I’m not worth kindness or love and the longer you spend convincing yourself  you see worth in me I’ll pull you down
To the ground
Into the well of souls without purpose and once you’re here you feel the depression of what it means to exist without worth
That’s what I am
Crying on the inside
Dying, flying without ever leaving the ground and you try to convince me I have wings
Speaking in a soft voice yet you insists my words have meaning
Drowning in the abyss yet you tell me I can swim
But I feel the water surrounding me and the salt of defeat enters my lungs and I gasp for air.
Barely staying afloat and this wings you say I have are soaked and I have not the strength to use them weighted down
And my voice gets lost amongst the crashing waves and I become a useless shell washed upon the sandy seashore
To be picked up by you, and you say you see spark , life, purpose, meaning but when you close your eyes, what am I
A shell that will be tossed back out to sea
Skipped across the surface and as I plummet after my last jump and sink to the depths beyond what will my beauty be then
I’ll just be another shell amongst others that had no real meaning beyond what my beholder placed upon me.
Nothing of my own to grab and hold onto
Something to belong to
I’m not anything that you say you see in me and no matter how hard I try to bring light into your eyes
You are blinded by your fabrication, the truths of your imagination to see the real truth that I am unworthy
Can not be what you see and someone else deserves the praises you give
If there was a way I could shower you with the facts of my shattered existence I don’t think I would take it
Though I don’t deserve what you give
I crave it, need it, want to believe it
Live in a delusional world were I am more than this thing
Be transformed for just a time into the man seen through your eyes
If I could just be him for a moment each day then the madness I feel may evaporate and leave me brand new
But fantasies are for fairytales and this is not fiction
So I’ll cling to your words
Attach them to that place where good things go and pray that one day I can find them
That one day all the good will flood to the front and I’ll be free
I’ll believe
I’ll see what you see
But right now
I hear you say I’m amazing just as I am
But on the inside
I cry
I don’t believe.

1 comment:

  1. You are able to express raw emotions eloquently. You must be in a lot of inner pain. Please consider the message of Jesus, who said, "The thief comes only to steal, to kill and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly." (John 10:10) He doesn't make our lives plastic-perfect. He brings joy in the midst of this broken world, and a promise of something immeasurably better to come. Read the book of John. You can find it online in various translations at or or other sites.