Sociopathic Love

You did this to me
Yes you, you did
And you stand there smugly looking all innocent as you chip away more of the me I was
Laughing on the inside like you didn’t do this, create this

Delicately, deliberately, stealthily, with amazing accuracy, you snuck inside and intertwined your lies with my truths under a guise of love that you gave with no intentions of continuance
It was fake
Used to find that spot you could manipulate
A place only someone like you could find and penetrate with the ease of a dancer after a lifetime of training.

You knew I was strong and you never prey on the weak
You like the joy of intercepting something and infecting it with your beautiful poison till it becomes a part of them
They forget who they are
I forgot who I was, and turned into this person who waits on your every need
This person convinced that I am the one

The Cycle

Moist
Damp
Flowing
Droplets
Down
Warm
Leaving tracks of their existence
A sniff
A shiver
A touch of my finger
A wipe
Disappearance

Flower--Rejected

I bet you’re wondering how I got here
How could something so beautiful be so alone, forgotten
Bad things don’t happen to beauty so they say
Yet here I am, sitting, alone on a park bench
Colors so vibrant
Stem green as the coming of spring
But my thorns have lost their prick
My beauty has lost its sting
My petals smell of a scent so beautiful yet there’s no one here to smell them
And I bet you’re wondering
How, just how did I get here.

I Didn't Want To

I didn’t want to do it but...
They laughed at me
Taunted me
Said I was nothing and shovelled disdain at me

I didn’t want to do it but...
I felt them trample on me
Fists pound against me
Burn me with their eyes ablaze with contempt

I didn’t want to do it but...
The left me out in the rain
Buried me in the snow, alive
Held me under salty sea to see if my lungs could swim

You Fabricate Me

You tell me that I’m beautiful I say thankyou, but don’t believe
Worthless, lost, useless, hopeless,
Less than human
Those are me
A being that gets from here to there without a care or tiny inclination that it is anything of importance
Yet you seem to think I am
Like you’ve flown down and landed from some alien land and I wonder
Are you blind
Why do you not see what’s plainly before the eye
Can’t you see broken
Lost cause
Emptiness wrapped in a dark shell of depression
Something that appears to be whole but is really just a hole full of all the things that nothing is compromised of
Why won’t you listen to me and run
Let me be
Stop torturing me with words filled with dreams of a me that will never be in existence
Who is this person you are fabricating
Where did they arrive from
And why do you keep addressing them like they are me
Someone else deserves what you can give
Me, me
Well look at me
Just look at me
I’m not worth kindness or love and the longer you spend convincing yourself  you see worth in me I’ll pull you down
To the ground
Into the well of souls without purpose and once you’re here you feel the depression of what it means to exist without worth
That’s what I am
Crying on the inside
Dying, flying without ever leaving the ground and you try to convince me I have wings
Speaking in a soft voice yet you insists my words have meaning
Drowning in the abyss yet you tell me I can swim
But I feel the water surrounding me and the salt of defeat enters my lungs and I gasp for air.
Barely staying afloat and this wings you say I have are soaked and I have not the strength to use them weighted down
And my voice gets lost amongst the crashing waves and I become a useless shell washed upon the sandy seashore
To be picked up by you, and you say you see spark , life, purpose, meaning but when you close your eyes, what am I
A shell that will be tossed back out to sea
Skipped across the surface and as I plummet after my last jump and sink to the depths beyond what will my beauty be then
I’ll just be another shell amongst others that had no real meaning beyond what my beholder placed upon me.
Nothing of my own to grab and hold onto
Something to belong to
I’m not anything that you say you see in me and no matter how hard I try to bring light into your eyes
You are blinded by your fabrication, the truths of your imagination to see the real truth that I am unworthy
Can not be what you see and someone else deserves the praises you give
If there was a way I could shower you with the facts of my shattered existence I don’t think I would take it
Though I don’t deserve what you give
I crave it, need it, want to believe it
Live in a delusional world were I am more than this thing
Be transformed for just a time into the man seen through your eyes
If I could just be him for a moment each day then the madness I feel may evaporate and leave me brand new
But fantasies are for fairytales and this is not fiction
So I’ll cling to your words
Attach them to that place where good things go and pray that one day I can find them
That one day all the good will flood to the front and I’ll be free
I’ll believe
I’ll see what you see
But right now
I hear you say I’m amazing just as I am
But on the inside
I cry
I don’t believe.

Pieces

Another lost love just broke my heart again
Left me shattered again
No longer whole again
And as I cried and went through the usual
How could I be so stupid again
Let emotions blind me again
Fall for the same lines, lies, eyes that swear to tell truths in misleading words that they hide behind again
I decide this time it will be different.
I won't do it the same as before, walk back down that road of it must be me self-loathing pain again
Because if it is me, then something must change

This Is A Dream

I once penned the phrase 'what if my life belonged to someone esle'
And at first all I got was hate
People saying how could you say that
Mostly Christians on their crusade to say god really loves you
Don't feel that way and it will all get better
And so on and so forth predictable to the letter and I thought
What bullshit
Like they never doubted themselves
Never questioned existence and thought why god, why me
Always turning the eye to the truth that sometimes you do think this god thing is a falsity
But yet... here I am, thinking I cant be me and the real me is out there
Trying to find me
Searching, hunting, but it doesn't here me calling
Well, the truth is, it thought I was someone else
And the me i should be is in their body
Bringing them the joy and happiness that I wont ever be finding
So I'll swim in my place, and say once again, but differently
This life is a dream, this person can't be me