Hmmm. Bet you're reading the title thinking, after HARDdrive where is this guy going with this. Well I could drag on through meaningless sentences. Bore you with some extravagant introduction. Or take you down the pathways of my mind in such detail i leave you in awe of my brilliance. But, however, I'm just going to come right out and say where I'm going with this, and do it in the next paragraph.
Today on the bus ride home i had a bit of an epiphany, okay it only came during the five minute walk from bus stop to my house, but it came none the less. So I'm walking home and it occurs to me I'm totally baked out of my mind, refer to chocolate brownies, and I'm about to enter my christian family home. But today it feels different. There's something liberating not only in knowing but doing something that would be considered outside the realm of this whole born again christian platform. I feel like i faced the beast of conformity, came out unscathed, and have somehow formed a creature of my own creation. It feels awesome. It has me thinking though. Why cant I be a good christian and be high as that high C at the same time. What is it with rules.
Rules are made to be broken but also made to give the people who don't break them a sense of superiority over those who do. They need abortion, drugs, drinking, smoking and a whole host of other things to be bad to give them good reasons to hate on others. To say it's in his name. I always questioned how Christ had no problem loving everybody but yet i was taught to hate so many things. Gays, teenage moms, sex before marriage, non Christians, and then taught that if i didn't scream my faith from the mountain tops my heart wasn't in it. I should wear my Christianity like a badge of honor so to speak and make sure I'm in every ones face with it. It was so bad i thought drinking and smoking was a sin. Yup and it doesn't say anything in the bible about no tobacco and alcohol. But such it is. I was programmed to think so many things but as I sit here contemplating should I roll up another one I feel liberated. I feel like by stepping outside the path chosen for me I've become a better me.
This me sees the world through the eyes of nature. In nature all things peacefully coexists both plant predator and prey and as such I aim to peacefully coexists with all man kind. I did not get trapped in the one religion is the only religion mindset. In the mindset of converting all to my belief. I feel no need to force my belief on others. I feel good that i don't judge people on what or who they are in life and solely on whether they are good people. Even being good is relative but I'm confident that my definition of good is solid and will be willing to adjust it should i find out it's a bit faulty.
It feels good to know that somehow, with all the ministers, choir singers, directors, organists, and pastors that i was surrounded by in immediate family and friends of the family, that i managed not to become boxed in. My mind travels the roads of a poet and is open to all things at least once. I escaped a life of being forced to abide by laws that do more to exclude outsiders than make them feel at home. I'm happy to know that i didn't fall in so deep that i could not see the beauty that exists in the world. And today for the first time I felt that all the things I could be are more than just possible. They are destiny.
Now I may be under the influence, and yes this ramble is more ramble then cohesive genius, but it is true. In a time when i write poems about suicide, abandonment, and depression, clarity rears its head and says, but you are writing about something. Hence you are a writer. Not stuck in the realms that being one of the christian variety might make you but capable and free to swim the seas of your literary hearts desire. So yeah, it came during the time most things would come. It flowed in that disjointed and honest way. And it didn't quite stick on topic, but that's what liberation is. I feel completely free. Walking through the door into a world that I manged to escape which sets my wings a flutter and I soar through the clouds on a high, both metaphorically and literally.
So yeah this feeling will pass. Most good things never last. But genius is genius, mines just happens to come from a good burn.